To Walk on Water
by nebbyJen
Summary: Sometimes to heal wounds of the past, you must save the future. McKay centered fic with a healthy dose of Sheppard and Beckett.
1. Chapter 1

**To Walk on Water** by nebbyJ (Jen)

Summary: Sometimes to heal wounds of the past, you must save the future. McKay centered fic with a healthy dose of Sheppard and Beckett.

Rating: T (Language and abuse) Angst / Friendship / Drama / H/C

Archive: Fanfiction (Do not archive without permission. Thank you.)

Spoilers: Too many to name. I've incorporated several moments from Season One to tie into this story.

Author's Note: Once again, Atlantis does not belong to me. Feel free to comment, reviews are warmly accepted. Or email me if you find any errors in need of correction.

This has been betaed graciously by Gaffer and patiently reviewed by Emergencyfan. Thank you both for your invaluable insight and wisdom!

**To Walk on Water **

Chapter 1

Calling Dr. Rodney McKay 'difficult' was an extreme understatement, but over the past week he had actually become even more contentious and belligerent to all Atlantis staff than usual. Any attempt at discovering what could possibly be eating at the astrophysicist resulted in a wake of individuals with hurt feelings, threats of transfers, and a general state of shock.

When coworkers and friends came up empty of possible explanations, the medical facility was given the challenge, only to find their advances rebuffed or completely ignored. He refused to see Carson, claiming there was nothing wrong with him, and that the voodooistic practices of highland sheepherders should be kept out of the science labs, or be in fear of finding themselves shorn. Heightmeyer wasn't even that lucky. Every time she went to confront the antagonistic individual, he was nowhere to be found.

It eventually came down to Weir being at her wit's end as to what direction she should take and resigned herself to Major Sheppard's tactic of 'I'll figure out what's wrong with him, even if I have to shoot first and ask questions later.' Giving her second in command twenty-four hours to resolve the issue before the upcoming banquet honoring the new trade agreement recently brokered with M24-987, he was to find McKay and have him at the table with the senior staff by 1400 hours tomorrow, or there would be hell to pay.

And with that, word spread like wildfire of the impending search for their now missing teammate. Carson dropped off a small med kit; more complete than the standard off-world issue. This one included a mild sedative to be injected by the major if absolutely necessary.

Ford brought fresh radios even though Sheppard had already checked those he carried. Understanding the young officer's desire to help, he merely nodded and handed over the equipment he'd previously affixed to his jacket.

And, Dr. Zelenka carried the final pieces of gear; an enhanced life sign detector that should be able to override whatever McKay might come up with and a small silver flask. When Sheppard balked at carrying the alcohol, the Czech sadly shook his head and stated that whatever might be troubling his science colleague, perhaps a slight libation may help.

Glancing about Weir's ready room, the major gave the small assembled group his patented reassuring nod before heading down the staircase, past the closed gate. With a quick glance towards the extra guards stationed near the controls, he shook his head in disbelief before making his way out of the populated area. He had twenty four hours before the ambassador's entourage would arrive for the banquet.

Whatever was eating at the scientist had to be settled soon. Sheppard could only hope that it would be that simple. But with McKay, he seriously doubted it.

SG: A

Half way through his allotted time to search, Sheppard brought his trek to a halt. Resigned to the fact that McKay clearly knew the layout of Atlantis better than any other member on board, he wasn't surprised that he had yet to come across any sign of his friend. Sliding down to the floor, with his back pressed against the wall, he closed his eyes, mentally setting his internal clock for one hour. If he was tired, he knew the same had to be for McKay, and that the scientist also had to rest whatever demon the Canadian might be battling and/or running from that caused him to disappear without explanation in the first place. The major could only imagine what was going on in his friend's mind.

He didn't know a lot about Dr. Rodney McKay and the scientist certainly wasn't about to open up and reveal his innermost secrets to anyone. What he had learned came from attentive listening and carefully applied teasing used to draw the egocentric man out of his shell. And what the major discovered, after peeling away the layers of sarcasm and pompous superiority, was someone not that much different than himself. Sure, McKay had a rough childhood. Come on now, who really didn't? But then again, most kids didn't build bombs for their class project at the age of twelve to gain attention.

Then there was his sister, Jeanie, whom Beckett mentioned Rodney was concerned about when he thought he was going to die from the virus. After that, though, the scientist had been tightlipped about her and it was only after Ford showed the major a copy of the tape that they were able to send back to the SGC, did Sheppard realize just how limited McKay's outlook on what may happen actually was. The man was waiting for death. He would pull every rabbit out of his hat to save others, but to himself he only recognized the inevitable, that he was going to die, and he lived in fear he would make a mistake that would cause others to perish as well.

"Shit," Sheppard groaned inwardly to himself, dropping his head to rest on his knees. He was so sure that he'd somehow broken through and made the scientist realize that he wasn't about to let that happen. They were going to get through this together. With the now familiar, cumbersome weight of responsibility resting squarely upon his shoulders, he allowed his body to succumb to sleep, knowing that in a few more hours, one way or another, he was going to have to find some answers.

SG: A

Exactly one hour later, the major was on the move again, winding his way down unfamiliar corridors, eventually coming to stand on what he figured was the North Pier. As far as he knew, no one had spent any time at this end of Atlantis except for a brief survey team visit to check for damage after the hurricane. The power was set at minimum, leaving little light to guide his way, and he found himself blinking several times to adjust to the natural sunlight once he stepped outside.

A cool wind blew across his face as he scanned the open water. Overcast clouds from an advancing storm front cast long shadows over the ancient structure as he briefly studied his surroundings before removing Zelenka's enhanced life sign detector, giving it a quick scan. So used to seeing only one blip on the screen during his search, he automatically stuffed it back in his pocket before his mind registered that he wasn't the only one on the pier.

He snatched the small piece of equipment back out of his pocket and rescanned the area to confirm the previous reading. There it was again, a second blip. With the stealth of a trained soldier, he advanced cautiously to the end of the pier, the scanner in one hand and his 9mm in the other.

A small structure blocked his view and he could only guess as to its purpose. Maybe it's where the ancient lifeguards used to sit, he mused, as he neared the raised housing. Shoulders to the wall, he edged around to the front, sidearm ready, and froze, recognizing the back of the head staring away from him out across the temperamental whitecaps. He'd found McKay.

The scientist was oblivious to the major's position and the last thing Sheppard wanted to do was frighten the man, possibly causing Rodney to loose his precarious position and fall off the end of the pier. Holstering his gun and tucking the life sign indicator back in his pocket, he opened his mouth, ready to spout off some witty sarcastic comment, but stopped and sighed heavily. Instead he made his way over and took up a seated position alongside his friend, waiting quietly for McKay to be the first to break the silence.

When the words didn't come, Sheppard turned to face the scientist, taking a good look at the haggard individual. Dark circles turned usually inquisitive blue eyes listless, his hair and clothing were damp from the cold ocean spray, and he appeared flushed, possibly feverish.

'When did all of this happen and what the hell caused it?' the major mentally demanded. In a week's time, McKay had done a complete one-eighty, going from vibrant terror to a mute recluse. Racking his brain, he retraced the past seven day's events and realized the first real noticeable change had occurred right around the time they'd first visited M24-987.

As far as Sheppard knew, nothing had happened offworld. He and Teyla did their usual song and dance 'how about a trade' routine, while Ford checked for possible weapons to use against the Wraith. Rodney was left on his own to study whatever it was he found useful. The team had been separated for a couple of hours, four tops. They had been successful in their mission and returned home. But now that he thought about it, McKay had been unusually quiet while walking back to the gate. Sheppard had chalked it up to the scientist pondering whatever it was he had gleaned from the civilization. Now, he realized, that wasn't the case.

"McKay," the major spoke gently, breaking the silence, "I don't know how to help until you tell me what happened on the planet."

The slumped shoulders of the scientist shifted, haunted eyes turning to face Sheppard, "Did you ever want to kill someone because they reminded you of a person from your past?"

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sheppard's gaze never wavered from the piercing look affixed on him, for some reason, understanding that it was more than just a rhetorical question that McKay had asked. His eyes narrowed at a distant memory before he nodded, "Yeah, I've had a thought or two over the years. You see a face in a marketplace that reminds you of an op gone wrong, of watching a terrorist take out a teammate only to find yourself suddenly having to save his ass for some damn reason or another, but yeah, there are times that to kill a ghost seems the easiest way to kill a memory."

The answer didn't appear to appease the scientist and his search flickered back out over the open water. When a large swell slapped hard against the edge of the pier, effectively soaking both men in its chilly spray, his only reaction was to produce a shaking hand and wipe the water out of his eyes.

"McKay, as much as I'd love to sit out here with you and ponder the past, I'm going to have to insist that we head back inside. Have you taken a look at the sky lately? I'm certain that the temperature's dropped ten degrees while I've been out here, and that storm up there is about to bust loose any second. What do you say I give you a hand up and we head back in to someplace warm and dry?" Not waiting for the scientist to reply, Sheppard pulled himself to his feet before reaching down and securely gripping his friend under the arms, effectively dragging the other man up with him.

Unfortunately, chilled legs that had remained immobile for several hours refused to cooperate and Sheppard had to reposition himself so that they both didn't end up taking a header off the edge when Rodney's insecure stance nearly crumbled. "Whoa, think you can give me a little help here?" John grunted as he wrapped his arm tightly around his friend's side while fixing a lax arm securely over his shoulder.

For the first time since Sheppard had found the scientist, recognition filled McKay's face and he jerked to stare about their location in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Finding your ass before Weir goes on the warpath." When Rodney scrunched his face in confusion but at least now was trying to help walk back inside, the major shook his head in mock disbelief. "I'm not real big on the meet and great banquets either, McKay. But don't you think this is a bit extreme?"

A flash of something unrecognizable passed over the scientist's face but he remained quiet. A large raindrop pelted him on the forehead causing him to look back up and notice the darkening sky for the first time. "Guess I was about to get wet."

"You think? I hate to break it to you, you being the genius and all, but you're already wet. As a matter of fact, we both are."

Rodney stood still, grasping the wall while watching Sheppard punching the sequence to get the door to open. Taking in his friend's soaked appearance, a small smile quirked the corners of his mouth, "Your hair's flat."

"Thank you very much for taking the time to point that out, Rodney. You know, I've spent the last 24 hours turning this place upside down looking for you. All you can do is make comments on my hair?" Without thinking, the major ran his fingers through his wet locks and shoved them away from his face.

That only caused McKay's smile to grow a little more. When Sheppard took him by the arm and helped him inside, he stopped a moment to turn back and watch the heavens open up, a steady deluge of rain now pounded out across the pier. "Thank you."

The major's hazel eyes turned from the rain back towards the scientist. "You're welcome," he answered. "Now, before this love fest goes any further, I need to call in and let the others know I found you." He really wanted to get hold of Beckett and have Rodney checked out. This individual sinking to the floor beside him looked like McKay, but certainly wasn't acting like him.

SG: A

Sheppard pulled an emergency blanket from his pack and unfolded it before wrapping it around the scientist's shivering shoulders. He tucked the corners underneath McKay's legs, effectively pinning any body heat beneath the fabric. "When did you eat last?" he asked tearing the wrapper off a powerbar and sticking it in his friend's hand.

Rodney stared at the food like it was a two headed alien before forcing himself to take a bite. Chewing slowly, he swallowed the flavorless texture. "I had an MRE earlier."

Waving a radio in the air, the major scowled. "Wrong answer. Beckett wants to know exactly when. Last night? This morning?"

"I don't know," McKay snapped with a touch of his absent crankiness. "I've had a lot on my mind."

The first real smile crossed Sheppard's face, "Did you hear that, Doc?"

The Scottish physician's concerned voice echoed in the empty hallway, _"Aye, lad. Can you give Rodney the radio, Major?" _

Sheppard swapped the scientist the radio for the half eaten powerbar. "You're in trouble now," he crowed like an eight year old.

Another hint of the old McKay spark quirked back to life. "Shut up," he snapped, thumbing the call button.

"_I beg your pardon."_

"Not you, Carson," Rodney huffed. "I was talking to the child standing in front of me."

"_I hope so."_ There was a brief pause when someone on the other end interrupted the doctor. _"Rodney, I want you to come see me before you go back to your quarters."_

"I figured as much. You don't need to worry, Mother, I've been eating regularly and taking my vitamins."

Beckett's dry retort filtered back over the radio, _"Humor me, then. Dr. Weir and I both agree that, before the ambassador and his party arrive, that you.."" _His comment clipped when Rodney turned off the radio and handed back to Sheppard.

"Uh, McKay, I don't think he was done yet."

The cold blue eyes of earlier looked back up at the bewildered major. The traces of old McKay had disappeared once more. Rodney stood up slowly, still holding the blanket tightly around his shoulders and refusing the remainder of the powerbar. "Let's get this over with," he said under his breath, listing sideways while heading down the corridor.

"Hey," the major grunted, grabbing the remaining gear off the floor before catching up. "You keep acting this way and Heightmeyer's going to have a field day with you. Talk to me, McKay. What the hell is going on? You can't ask me about killing someone and then walk away."

When Rodney remained silent, continuing to stumble down the dim corridor, Sheppard snagged the emergency blanket and tugged McKay to stop. The crinkly fabric slipped off, cascading to the floor, leaving one wet, unhappy scientist to glare back at him.

"Nothing happened."

"I don't believe that. And until you tell me what's going on, I'm going to hound your every step, all the way back."

"Let me repeat myself, Major, nothing happened to me."

"McKay…"

"Leave me alone."

"No. Damnit, I can't do that. You see, you're part of my team, my responsibility. And if a part of that team is off, the whole team is off. We are effectively shut down until you get fixed."

"Oh, what, am I a broken toy of yours now?"

"No, McKay. You're my friend and I want to help."

"Maybe I don't want your help. Did that thought even enter your brain? If I wanted your help, I would've come to you."

"Isn't that what you did? Run off and hide like some little kid in trouble, just waiting to be found? You're a smart man. You knew I'd come looking for you."

Something unrecognizable flashed in McKay's eyes as he sucked in his breath, taking a step back and colliding with the wall.

Sheppard's internal warning bell was ringing with intensity. Taking a step closer to the bedraggled figure, he pierced him with a hard glare, momentarily surprised to see the other shirk away. He had two choices now; push or ease up. Going easy hadn't gotten him anywhere, so he decided to use plan B.

Grabbing McKay's wet shoulders, he effectively pinned him to the wall, feeling tremors race through the scientist. "WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, MCKAY?" The scientist's reaction caused him to let go immediately.

Rodney scrunched his eyes tightly shut, turning his face away the major. His ragged breaths burned throughout his chest as he gasped, struggling to pull air into his uncooperative lungs. He fought to get control back. Fighting down the intense waves of nausea, he knew it was a matter of moments before the half eaten powerbar made a return. The panic attack blossomed, enveloping him in its waves and he dropped to his knees, finally succumbing to his heaving stomach.

Lost once more in the frightening world he thought he'd conquered years ago, he didn't recognize the hands that held him secure or the voice talking from someplace nearby.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Oh, shit!" Sheppard followed McKay down to the floor, once again grasping his friend by the shoulders, only this time to stop him from falling face first into the mess. This wasn't the first time the major had ever seen a panic attack, so instead of paging Beckett, he just held on and waited, talking Rodney down from wherever he might be.

"Come on, McKay, you need to breathe. That's it, nice and slow," he encouraged over and over. When the gasps eventually quieted and the scientist's demeanor became calmer, Sheppard carefully pushed his friend to a sitting position along the wall and waited.

Rodney's chin rested against his chest, his eyes still closed from exhaustion. When his chest rose and fell with smooth deep breaths, Sheppard finally released his own breath he'd been holding and sat down, his shoulder barely touching the Canadian's.

"Hey," he stated quietly.

Rodney's head tipped back against the wall, his eyes now open as he stared at the opposite direction. "Hydrogen, Lithium, Sodium, Potassium, Rubidium, Cesium, Francium," he muttered to himself.

"Uh, Rodney, the Periodic Table?"

The scientist held up a hand to silence the major before he continued, "Beryllium, Magnesium, Calcium, Strontium, Barium, Radium."

"You're starting to scare me, McKay. If you don't knock it off I'm calling Beckett."

The pale blue eyes finally came to rest on the major. "A little trick I discovered when I was a kid."

"What, boring people to death while rambling off the elements?" Sheppard caught the glimmer of an irritated spark in the other man's eyes and he allowed himself to smile.

"No. When I was younger and felt an attack coming on, I'd mentally review the Groups to get my mind off the attack."

Resting his arms on his knees, Sheppard swirled his canteen before handing it over. "Let me get this straight, you repeated the Periodic Elements to ease your mind?"

Rodney allowed the tepid liquid to fill his mouth before he looked around for someplace to spit. Not spying any, he shrugged and spat on the floor. "Are you going to repeat everything I'm going to say?"

Hazel eyes rolled to the ceiling in disgust. "Oh, that's nice McKay. Who do you think is gonna come down here and clean all that up?" Reaching in his pocket, he pulled out a cotton handkerchief and handed it to the scientist, still refusing to look in case he might see the mess. When he felt it removed from his hand, he rummaged through another pocket and came up with a plastic bag. "Here, put it in this."

"You can look now," Rodney huffed after a minute or two.

Sheppard glanced back over to his friend and found the other man staring right back at him. "I'm not going to pry, Rodney, but I have to tell you this is serious. If something happened on the planet that got you this upset, we shouldn't allow the ambassador and his team access to Atlantis. Are they going to be a danger to us? I still have time to notify Weir and call this whole thing off."

McKay's mouth opened and closed several times as he tried to find the right words. "Nothing happened."

"You've said that already, but I don't believe you."

Gnawing his bottom lip, McKay looked as if he was about to make one of the hardest decisions in his life. His eyes glanced away and he sighed heavily. "I saw something."

"Okay, now we're getting somewhere." Sheppard turned sideways to watch his friend. "What did you see?"

Getting decidedly uncomfortable, McKay squirmed under the major's questioning gaze. He really didn't want to get into this, it was too private and he'd successfully kept it put away for decades. No one knew about his past and that was just the way he wanted to keep it. But pulling himself up to his feet, he found Sheppard was right by his side with a hand under his arm to give support, waiting patiently for an answer to his question. It was now or never.

"I saw the ambassador strike a child."

The major didn't move at his comment, the only perceivable difference in his stance was a tightening of his facial muscles. "Did it look like abuse or discipline?"

Was there a difference? Rodney swallowed as a long forgotten memory resurfaced.

'_You're nothing! You got that, boy? I brought you into this world, and I sure as hell can take you out'._

'_Daddy, I'm sorry. I'll be quiet, I promise.'_

_SMACK!_

Sheppard's watchful gaze witnessed the turmoil on McKay's face. And when the scientist lifted a shaking hand to touch the side of his own head, the major knew he'd discovered another hidden piece to the puzzle. Unfortunately, now was not the time or place to delve into such secrets. Shifting on his feet, careful not to touch the scientist, he cleared his throat bringing Rodney out of his thoughts.

"I…I'm not sure. My judgment might have been off."

"Yeah." A deep sigh filled the silence before Sheppard realized it had come from him. "Think you can make it back?"

Rodney sniffed. "How long until the others get here?"

"You mean the ambassador and his team? About four hours. Just enough time for us to make it back and get cleaned up."

"What about my trip to see Beckett?"

John shrugged, "I won't tell if you don't. He'll be at the banquet, so why don't we figure it out then?"

A hint of a smile crossed Rodney's face as he took up his position beside Sheppard. "He's not going to be happy."

"Hell, McKay, when is that man ever happy? He gets his jollies out of sticking needles in people. Think about it, did you or I ever want to be a physician? Hell, no! Only sick SOB's who like to mess with germs and gross bodily stuff do that kind of crap. Gads!" the major shuddered.

Rodney pondered the comments. "You're right."

"I know I am." Sheppard's grin grew wider and he dropped an arm over McKay's shoulders. "We're equipment action kind of people. I've got weapons and tactics; you've got computers and gizmos."

They continued on in silence, disappearing around a corner before the major's voice echoed down the hallway, "You aren't going to tell him I said that, right?"

A brief burst of laughter faded into the darkness.

SG: A

Rodney was dead tired by the time he made it back to his quarters. Flopping bonelessly across his bed, he draped an arm over his eyes to block out the overhead light. Before Sheppard had left, he told him that he'd be back in thirty minutes and warned the scientist not to fall asleep. Right. Thirty minutes. That meant fifteen to nap and fifteen to get dressed. Allowing weary eyes to remain closed, he easily drifted off to sleep.

Dreams assaulted him instantly with memories of frightening words, and even harsher punishments. Raising his hands to defend himself from the stream of blows falling against his face, he cried out when his arms were grabbed, pinning them back to the bed. "Let go of me," he demanded, struggling to break free from the grip.

"McKay, wake up!" Sheppard's voice ordered through the struggle. Narrowly dodging a tight left hook, he shook the scientist firmly. "Wake up! It's a dream, Rodney. No one here's going to hurt you."

Sitting straight up, the scientist cradled his right tightly against his chest, his hand carefully holding the spot where Koyla's henchman had dug the knife painfully into his arm. His eyes briefly met the major's, he looked away in embarrassment.

"You back with me now?" Sheppard asked, pulling his friend off the bed and pushing him towards the bathroom. Not giving Rodney time to reply, he reached around him and turned on the shower, adjusting the spray and then standing back. "I told you not to sleep," he admonished.

"It was only for a minute," Rodney argued tiredly.

"Try thirty, and we're late." Gesturing to the running water, he grinned, trying to lighten the mood and erase whatever remnants of the nightmare might be dogging his friend, "I like you, and all, but there's no way I'm hopping in there to give you a hand. You gonna be okay?"

A heavy sigh and eye roll was his only answer. When the scientist physically shoved him out of the small room, he grinned. "I'll see if I can find you anything presentable to wear," he called over his shoulder after he heard the sound of the running water change.

"Stay out of my clothes," Rodney shouted back, his eyes closed as he savored the pounding water on his weary flesh. The invigorating shower revived him and he could have stood there all day if it hadn't been for the splash of ice water cascading over him from above the top of the shower doors.

"Move it, soldier!" Sheppard ordered. When the water shut off, a towel appeared next over the door.

A fast shave and a comb through his hair, McKay stopped to stare at the face in the mirror. Even in his own eyes he looked ten years older. Adjusting his dress uniform jacket, he stepped out of his bathroom and found the major sitting on the edge of his bed waiting for him.

"Ready to go?" Sheppard asked casually.

"What do you say we grab a jumper and disappear for the night instead?"

The major grinned and stood up, "Seems to me, the last time we went on a little journey without Weir's okay, we ended up in the doghouse for a couple of weeks with the threat of Kavanagh becoming chief scientist. Do you really want to tempt fate?"

Rodney shrugged as he headed out the door, his confidence slowly rebuilding. "She loves us."

"Yeah, but I think she loves to threaten us more. Quit stalling, McKay, let's get this over with so we can watch my game and drink this." Sheppard held up the flask Radek had given him earlier.

"Where'd you get that? Isn't that Dr. Zelenka's personal flask?"

Sheppard grinned, never about to tell him the truth. "I have my ways."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The banquet room was filled with senior staff and the visiting entourage seated at circular tables strategically placed throughout the hall. At Dr. Weir's head table, where Sheppard and McKay customarily sat, there didn't appear to be any vacant seats, and Rodney was silently grateful as they located an available table in the back of the room.

Hoping their late entrance went unnoticed, the scientist was dismayed when a hand soon dropped on to his shoulder from behind and a familiar Scottish voice spoke quietly in his ear.

"I must have missed you when you returned earlier. Don't be thinking you can skulk back to your room when this is over." A firm semi-threatening squeeze gripped the back of his neck and then was gone.

Shifting strategically in his seat, Rodney was able to watch Beckett's retreating figure as the Scot made his way to the head table. And almost as if he knew he was being scrutinized, the physician glanced back his way and gave a curt nod before taking his seat. "I'm toast," McKay grumbled to Sheppard, only to discover his friend locked unhappily in a non-verbal tête-à-tête with Weir. "Then again, we're both toast."

"Take it easy, McKay. She's not going to do anything at the moment and by the time this is over, maybe she'll be too busy to notice us disappearing out the back," his friend whispered out of the side of his mouth while his eyes remained focused on the arched brow raised in his direction.

"Yeah, I can so see that happening." Rodney picked up his glass of water and forced himself to sip it slowly, feeling the cool liquid slide down his throat and hit his empty stomach. When there was no residual churning effect, he cautiously started on his salad next.

Carefully keeping an eye on the scientist while working his way through his own salad, Sheppard was glad to see the man eating. "You doing okay? With the food, I mean?"

"Don't worry about me, Major. I know how to eat."

"As if there was any doubt," Sheppard snarked back. "That's not what I was asking though, McKay. I just had this jacket cleaned and didn't want you tossing your cookies on me."

Dropping his fork back to his plate with a clatter, Rodney stared at his friend in disgust, "Thank you very much for that wonderful visual. Now, I think I have lost my appetite."

The dark haired major poked the scientist in the arm with his own fork, "Oh no, you don't. You don't leave this table without finishing your dinner, or no dessert later." To reinforce his statement, he patted his pocket holding the flask.

A verbal retort froze on Rodney's lips when Elizabeth stood up and the room silenced. "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this opportunity, before the main dinner is served, to make a toast of friendship and welcome to Ambassador Lokii and his family." She turned towards the guests and raised her glass, the rest of the room following suit, "May the achievement of our trade agreement be successful and prosperous to all of us. Thank you."

A smattering of applause rippled throughout the room before the ambassador stood up, also raising his glass in another toast. "Thank you, Dr. Weir. We also look forward to a long partnership with those here on Atlantis…"

Whatever else he had to say was lost on the astrophysicist, as Rodney's eyes stared at the ambassador before shifting his gaze to take in the remaining guests seated at the head table. Spying the smaller shape of a child's head, he swallowed back the uncomfortable feeling beginning to churn in his gut. It was only when Sheppard nudged him, did he blink.

"Is that the boy?" the major whispered, watching a young boy no older than eight or nine years old being called up to stand beside the ambassador.

McKay could only nod; his throat suddenly dry and he was no longer able to talk.

Ambassador Lokii wrapped his arm in a show of affection around the child. "I would like to introduce to you, my son, Bengi. Hopefully while he is here with me, he will be able to come to the understanding of just how important science, knowledge, and friendship are in life. What a wonderful opportunity to give a child. Thank you."

Again, glasses were raised, only this time McKay didn't move.

"Rodney," Sheppard hissed, acutely aware of others at their table turning to check on the scientist.

But it was too late; whatever had tripped a panic attack earlier in McKay must have been reactivated. All color had drained from his face and his breath began to come in short gasps.

"Oh crap. Not now, McKay. Think of the elements. Hydrogen, Lithium, Sodium. Come on doc, you can do this," Sheppard encouraged; hoping no one else noticed what was happening.

Rodney's expression shifted to one of momentary confusion, before he swallowed and licked his lips nervously. "Potassium, Rubidium, Cesium, Francium," he mumbled.

"That's it, you're doing good." Casually standing, so as not to draw attention to himself, he leaned down and placed a hand on McKay's back. "What do you say we go and get some air?"

"That might be a good idea."

"I kind of thought so. Do you need a hand?"

The scientist shook his head 'no' before he carefully stood up. Quietly excusing themselves from the other guests at the table, they made their way out to the hallway.

SG: A

The early evening sun sparkled like diamonds across the ocean as the two men made their way to the nearest balcony, to stand in silence and take in the view while enjoying the rain cleansed air.

"If it were only that easy, right, McKay?"

"What's that?"

"The rain." Sheppard leaned his forearms against the railing, continuing to stare towards the horizon and didn't meet the scientist's questioning glance. A slight smile crinkled the corners of his eyes when he realized Rodney was actually waiting for him to finish. "It washes the air clean of things we never even knew were there." He heard the shift in McKay's posture and realized that it was now or never, before the scientist put his personal walls back up. "I don't know much about you; what your past might hold or the demons you keep locked up in that melon of yours, but I think I can make a pretty good guess."

Rodney remained silent.

Turning so that only one arm remained on the railing, Sheppard studied his friend. "Look, I don't want to pry, well actually I do, but if you can't talk to me, you're going to end up on Heightmeyer's couch with your feet on a cushion." Was it defeat or resignation that simmered in the other man's face?

Without a word Rodney stripped off his dress jacket and let it drop carelessly into a puddle on the balcony floor. Shoving up his shirt sleeve, he stared at the scars on his right forearm, before giving them a good scratch. "This is when it started," he finally said.

"What's that?"

"The old nightmares. I thought… I'd hoped they were gone." His eyes quickly looked to the major, checking for signs of disgust or apathy. He was used to those being cast in his direction; instead he found only an intense look of support and patience. Startled, he felt himself taking an involuntary step back towards the door. "I was never good enough, always the weaker kid that got the crap kicked out of him on the playground. And then there was the second round when I got home, once the old man got a hold of me."

He scratched his arm harder, leaving angry red welts. "I swear Kolya was the devil incarnate. If he wasn't my father coming back to haunt me…" Rodney shook his head, swallowing the excessive fluid building up in his mouth, his hand once more tracing over the scar. "I just wanted to disappear."

"Is that why you took off yesterday?"

The scientist hesitated before nodding.

"You stood up to Kolya, McKay. And it's a real good chance that if you hadn't, Weir would be dead."

"No, I blathered like a panicked idiot. Couldn't keep my mouth shut." _'Shut up boy, just shut the hell up.'_ He winced, feeling the phantom pain of the blow that followed.

"Did you ever stand up to your father?"

"I tried…once."

"Probably while attempting to protect your sister, right?"

"She wouldn't leave. I wanted her to go with me but she said she was too young and that we'd get caught and sent back home." Rodney stared at the floor; his voice shook with his next revelation. "I left her with him."

"How old were you, McKay?"

Anger flared across the scientist's face. "Does it matter?"

"Rodney, how old were you when you left?"

"Sixteen."

"How old are you now? Thirty-six? Look at what you've done in the past twenty years. How many people are alive now, because of you being here right now?"

Rodney shook his head and took another step away from Sheppard. "No. People have died because of me. Did you forget? I gave Gaul the gun that he used to kill himself with."

The major took a cautious step forward. "That's right…that he used to kill himself with. You didn't shoot him. You didn't tell him to shoot himself. Hell, you stayed with him in a Wraith ship and tried to help him, knowing at least one wraith was awake, not knowing if there were more. Then you came to help me. You didn't run away, you ran towards trouble. Gaul and your sister rejected your help for their own reasons, but you still saved Elizabeth from Kolya, and me from the wraith." Pausing, he stared hard before choosing his next words carefully. "I would be dead now, Rodney, if you hadn't come to my aid."

He watched those words sink into his friend. "No matter what happened when you were young, however painful and deep that you've buried your past to forget, it's still a part of you. And getting tortured probably broke loose part of that wall, along with seeing the ambassador strike his son, and now you have to figure out what to do with those memories. Are you going to let them eat at you and turn you back into the scared kid from twenty years ago that would allow fear to dictate his life? Or are you going to stand up and remain the strong man you've become?"

Wearily rubbing his face, Rodney looked up to meet Sheppard's gaze. "I'm just so tired."

"I know."

"But I want to help the boy."

"I know."

"Think you might want to help me?"

The major reached down to pick up the discarded jacket, handing it over to the scientist, before steering him inside Atlantis. "You don't even have to ask, McKay. I was already planning on it."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The reception finally over and the guests quartered for the night, Carson nodded to Elizabeth before parting. Making his way back to his own room so that he could change out of his monkey suit and back into more familiar comfortable clothing, he sighed and shook his head, remembering certain events of the evening.

He hadn't missed Sheppard and McKay slipping away sometime during the toast and that meant both men had most likely missed dinner. When they'd never returned, he'd caught Weir's deliberate glance directed towards him before the evening ended. He somehow knew it would be up to him to locate both officers before morning.

With a quick trip to the infirmary to check on its status, to see if anything had happened while he was gone, he was surprised to hear voices talking quietly in the dimly lit room. Entering as silently as he could, the speakers were unaware of his arrival as he came to stand just inside the door. It looked as though his search was going to be unnecessary, for there reclining back on two of the med beds, only one having the small overhead light on, were the missing men.

Sheppard appeared to be doing most of the talking as he rested with one hand tucked behind his head, the other draped across his chest. His left leg, dangled over the edge, swinging slowly back and forth. Beckett thought it was the most relaxed he'd seen the young officer in a long time.

On the other bed was Rodney, lying on his side with a pillow clutched to his chest, facing the major. The light from over his head made the scientist appear pale as his breathing deepened and he slowly gave into the powerful pull of sleep. Heavy lidded eyes snapped open a few times as he struggled to pay attention to Sheppard's stories before his tired body gave in to a deep slumber.

The story continued quietly for several more minutes before Sheppard finally stopped, his gaze shifting towards the doorway, somehow spotting the silent physician hidden in the shadows. "It's okay, Doc, you can come in now. He's out for the count," he said softly.

Carson made his way over to the side of the major's bed, leaning with his back against it, while watching McKay. "I must say, I'm a bit surprised to find you lads in here, of all places."

Sheppard blew out a long breath, his hand coming down from behind his head to intertwine with the one on his chest. He stared for several moments at the darkened ceiling before he turned to face the Scot. "He's having panic attacks." He paused, hating to divulge what was told in confidence. "I witnessed two today."

The physician stepped over to the other bed, gently grasping the sleeping man's wrist to check his pulse. Rodney never stirred when Carson settled it back on the mattress before he laid his own hand across the scientist's forehead. "Anything else you want to tell me?" he asked once he completed his brief examination and turned to face the major.

Swinging his other leg over the side, Sheppard pulled himself upright to face McKay. He didn't answer Beckett's question, choosing to remain silent.

"Can you at least tell me if he's eaten anything and been able to keep it down?"

"He finished his salad at the banquet and was with me the entire time afterwards. As far as I know, it didn't make a reappearance. I think he also drank a glass of water."

"Good. That's good. Well, Major, I think you can go back to your quarters for the night. From the looks of things, he's going to be asleep for quite some time. Why don't you come back for breakfast?"

"I'm gonna stay, doc." Sheppard's posture held no room for disagreement, clearly there was more going on than he was willing to say.

"All right, then. Let me get you some blankets at least." Half way back to his office, Carson turned around, "Is there anything else I can get you, lad? Something to eat perhaps?"

Sheppard had already kicked off his boots and hopped down to the floor, padding quietly over to Rodney's bed to do the same with the scientist's shoes. He hated to admit that he was hungry, and he certainly didn't want Beckett running around waiting on him, but the man did offer. "Yeah, actually, I could use something. Got anything stashed in the back to munch on?"

A smile lit up Carson's face as he winked, "Aye, I might have a little something. I'll be back in a minute." He promptly disappeared behind his office door.

Just the two of them, once more, in the quiet room, Sheppard reached out and checked Rodney's temperature for himself. The scientist felt cool to the touch. Hopefully the long wet sit on the pier wouldn't have any adverse affect on his friend's health. "What are we gonna do with you, McKay? You're way too much trouble, you know that?" he teased. "If you aren't finding it, it's finding you. And Weir thinks I'm the trouble magnet."

"She's right," a Scottish voice affirmed from behind him.

This time Carson did catch Sheppard by surprise, actually making him jump. "How in the…? Didn't you go to your office?"

"Aye, but I cut back through the dispensary." The physician grinned at catching the ever alert officer off guard. He tossed a blanket to the major before placing two on the empty bed beside Rodney. Shaking one loose, he draped it over the sleeping scientist.

Sheppard watched with an approving eye. "I thought you were bringing munchies back with you."

"Patience, major, they're right behind you." Stepping into the darkness, Carson retrieved a small tray he'd left on an empty bed and brought it into the light. Slices of an apple type fruit, chunks of Athosian cheese, and crackers were piled haphazardly for eating. When the physician heard the major's stomach growl, he smiled again. "I figured, when I saw you leave the banquet, that you didn't get any supper."

"Well, we had something else to take care of." He knew he was being vague, but Sheppard wasn't ready to include the Scot in their earlier discussion. Swallowing a large chunk of cheese and cracker, he began to cough when the dry biscuit got stuck in his throat. A bottle of water was handed to him and he nodded 'thanks' before taking a long swig.

"Why don't you try slowing down and eat like a normal person, instead of a soldier heading out the door to a mission? I promise, I'll leave your snack alone," Carson teased, hopping up on the other bed and opening his own bottle of water.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting ready to sleep." Carson fluffed his pillow and tipped back, scooching several times to get comfortable.

"Doc, you don't have to stay. I just thought I'd keep him company."

"That's alright, lad, I don't mind."

"But.."

Carson propped up on one elbow, staring Sheppard directly in the eye, "You aren't going to tell me what's wrong, yet you want me to let you spend the night here. You're suddenly acting like a big brother protecting a little brother. I think there's something that happened and you won't tell me because it has to do with Rodney. But, laddie, your over concern has made me want to keep an eye on him myself. Now, since I am his physician, as well as his friend, you don't have a problem with me staying in my own infirmary, do you, Major?"

Sheppard chomped down on a piece of fruit, smiling so that the peel covered his teeth in red. Another munch and it was gone. "Nope. None at all."

"Good." Leaning back, Carson kicked his off his shoes and let them drop to the floor. "Are we leaving the light on?"

"Probably a good idea."

The Scot nodded before taking another swig from his water bottle. Screwing the cap back on, he reached over and set it on the bed table. "When his nightmares start, let me know how I can help." With that, he closed his eyes.

_Not if, but when_. Sheppard snorted, shaking his head in amazement. Beckett was one tough cookie who knew the staff better than anyone on Atlantis. Finishing the final bites of his snack, he swallowed. "Thanks. That really hit the spot."

"You're welcome."

"Doc, if I could tell you…"

Carson's hand waved in the darkness to cut him off. "I understand, lad. Just remember, when either of you is ready to fill me in, I will keep whatever it is you're not telling me, in the strictest confidence."

The major tipped back onto his own pillow before rolling to his side. He watched McKay sleep, feeling his own eyes grow heavy. He really hadn't had a decent night's sleep in a few nights himself. Hoping that maybe their evening chat on the balcony might have chased a few of his friend's demons away, he finally allowed his own tired soul to rest.

SG: A

"NO!"

Sheppard sat up as if he'd been shot out of a canon, the panicked shout from his friend caused his own heart to thunder in his chest. Shoving his blanket away, he dropped to the floor and hurried to Rodney's bedside. Carson met him on the opposite side.

"Don't touch him," Sheppard warned, seeing the doctor reach out to comfort their thrashing friend.

The physician yanked his hand back, trusting the major to know what he was doing.

"Rodney. Hey, Rodney, wake up. You're safe. There's no one here that's going to hurt you." Sheppard prompted over and over, hoping to break through the nightmare. "Come on, McKay, I'm right here. Carson's here. We've got your back. You're safe."

Slowly the comforting words filtered down into the dreaming man's consciousness. His sweat drenched head stopped shifting; his tightly clenched hands released their deathgrip on the mattress. Taking a deep shuddering breath, he squeezed his eyes tight before daring to crack them open, only to find concern in the faces of his two best friends peering down at him.

"You okay?" Sheppard asked, cautiously reaching out to grasp one of Rodney's hands, while Carson took the other, as they helped him to a sitting position.

He nodded slowly, taking another deep breath to calm his own racing heart. When Carson placed an open bottle of water in his hand, he gratefully accepted. After a hesitant sip he whispered, "I'm okay."

Sheppard allowed himself a relieved smile, looking to Carson and seeing concern etched in the Scot's face. "Rodney, I think we need to let Beckett in on what's going on."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

McKay was uncomfortable at first, cautiously revealing more painful moments of his past to the physician and Sheppard. But, with the major's subtle encouragement and Carson's inbred understanding of someone in need of assistance, he found himself slowly divulging additional pieces of his childhood. He discovered the soul cleansing to be cathartic, his inner burden somehow lighter. Unfortunately, it had also stirred up many long dormant memories and the thought of going back to sleep frightened him. Turning down Carson's offer of a sleep aid, he had a different request of his friends. Hopefully they would agree.

SG: A

"A walk?" Sheppard asked in brief surprise, glancing down at his watch. "McKay it's 3:00 in the morning."

"Actually, Major, I wouldn't mind getting out and stretching my legs for a moment. That bloody banquet was hell, sitting there cooped up for hours. I could use a light stroll."

Taking his cue from Beckett, Sheppard agreed, hopping off his bed and handing Rodney his shoes before he retrieved his own. Within minutes, the trio emerged from the medical facility, bottles of water in hand, and made their way down the deserted corridor.

They walked in silence for close to twenty minutes, Sheppard and Beckett having taken up positions on either side of McKay, before Rodney finally spoke. "What if I'm wrong?"

"About what, lad?"

The scientist appeared to struggle with what he wanted to say. "What if I didn't see what I thought I saw?"

Sheppard stopped, waiting for the others to halt also. "McKay, don't go second guessing yourself. I watched the ambassador tonight and I have to agree with you, something's just not right about that guy. Doc, how was he during the rest of the dinner? Did he interact with the boy much?"

"I was on the other side of Dr. Weir, so I really didn't have much of a conversation with the man. And his son never said a word. Quietest lad I think I've ever seen."

Rodney shifted on his feet, his left hand coming up to scratch the scars on his right arm when the two others began to discuss the boy. Not missing the movement, the major stretched, 'accidentally' bumping into the scientist. "Watch where you're going, McKay."

Carson grinned at Sheppard's tactics, catching Rodney when he stepped back, before taking him by the arm and steering him around the major. "We need to go before you two wake up the whole bloody neighborhood."

"I didn't do anything," McKay whined before he could stop himself. Turning around to complain, his words stopped short when he noticed movement from a small figure at the opposite end of the hallway. "Major," he said, tilting his head in that direction.

All humor vanished from the officer's face as he looked to see what had caught the scientist's eye. There was nothing there. "What'd you see?"

McKay shrugged his arm free from Beckett's grip and walked slowly towards where he thought he'd seen someone. The other two were instantly at his side, keeping pace, watchful for any trouble. Coming to a 'T' at the end of the corridor, they looked to Rodney and waited.

"Left," he said, heading to the nearest stairwell, peaking cautiously around the corner. He had a hunch, and if he was right, he needed to proceed slowly. When the area proved to be empty, he turned to scowl at the others. "I guess it's just my eyes playing tricks on me."

Ready to walk away, he froze, as did the others, at the sound of muffled sob.

Instantly he spun back around and listened. When they heard the sound again, he looked to Sheppard for direction. The major pointed 'up'.

Quietly, so as not to spook whoever might be hiding on the upper landing, they made their way to the next level. They weren't surprised at who they found.

There, hiding in a curled up ball, behind the door, was the ambassador's son, Bengi.

SG: A

Carson made the first move towards the boy. Dropping to his knees, he rested his hands on his thighs, and tried to look as unimposing as possible. "Hello, I'm Dr. Beckett. I met you at dinner this evening. Do you remember me?"

The frightened child tightened further, his tear stained eyes warily watching the doctor.

"I won't hurt you lad," the Scot said gently, his accent warming to the comforting tone Sheppard and McKay were used to hearing while guests/prisoners of Beckett's. "It's a wee bit late for you to be out, would you like me to help you find your way back to your father's room?"

Bengi's expression froze in a look of fear; his small body began to shake.

"Shhhh, lad, it's okay." Inching closer, Carson held out his hand, eventually touching the boy on the knee with his fingertips. The child's green eyes never left his face until Rodney shifted, and then his eyes grew fearful once more, pulling away from the physician. "You don't need to worry about them, they are friends of mine. The tall one with the silly hair is Major Sheppard, and the other one who can't stand, still is Dr. McKay. I bet if you wanted, they'd let you call them by their first names, John and Rodney."

"Hey, I don't have silly hair," Sheppard quipped with a grin. Turning to face Rodney, he gave his friend a playful poke, "But he's right, you never stand still."

Rodney was willing to play the game although the majority of his being wanted to do nothing but head back to the infirmary or his quarters and disappear. "Think mirror, Major. Shiny glass thing you stare at yourself in, every morning. Remember what your hair looks like? Does Carson's or my hair look like that?"

The major made a scowl and shrugged, pointing to Beckett, "His sometimes does."

"Oh, lad, please, I don't think so."

Bengi watched the banter, his eyes shifting to each speaker as the friends teased one another. Slowly, he began to uncurl and when Dr. Beckett touched his knee again, he didn't draw away.

"Don't mind them, Bengi; they're still little boys inside, just like you. They might have grown up tall but they still play like children." When the two men made 'who me?' faces and pointed towards each other, the small child actually giggled.

Carson smiled in return, sitting down next to the boy. "It's kind of late for a wee one as yourself to be out of bed. Do you feel okay?"

Bengi sniffled, rubbing the back of his sleeve against his nose, before he nodded.

"Well then, if you aren't sick, can you tell my why you're out here? Did something scare you?"

The little boy remained still.

"Bengi, I'd like to make sure you're okay. Would you mind if I carried you back to where I take care of John and Rodney?"

A shadow of relief passed over Bengi's expression and when Carson rose to his feet and reached down, he held up his arms. The Scot easily lifted the child up and smiled at his cohorts when the lad wrapped his legs around Beckett's middle, his small head dropping to the Scot's shoulder. When Carson gently rubbed the boy's back, he didn't miss feeling the small muscles stiffen.

"Doc?" Sheppard stood waiting for the physician to tell him what to do.

Carson glanced his way, noticing for the first time that the major had a hand resting on Rodney's shoulder. The scientist's face had become a mask of stone. "Maybe once we get back, you might find Elizabeth," he said quietly.

The little boy's arms snaked around the physician's neck, gripping tightly when they started walking.

"Are you tired, son?"

Another nod from the small head.

"Aye, I am too. And you want to know something else? When we get back, I'm gonna make Dr. McKay go to bed also. Now, he'll be all grumpy like an old bear, but once I give him the magic blanket, he'll go right to sleep." Carson shot a glance to his silent friend, "Won't you, lad?"

The Scot earned himself an evil scowl of disapproval from the scientist.

Sheppard coughed, trying to cover up his laugh when Rodney glared at him. But he could see that the doctor was right, McKay looked ready to drop. "You still have my magic blanket, doc?"

"Should be where you left it."

"I think I'm going to need it, too. I feel pretty worn out."

Carson tried to hide his smile by turning his face towards the little boy, who was practically buried in his neck. He was silently thankful for Sheppard's support, knowing that it would help him get Rodney settled back down for the remainder of the night.

The trip back to the infirmary seemed to be much quicker than the men imagined and within no time, Beckett had the small boy sitting on the edge of one of the beds. "See this mess," he said pointing to the three unmade beds, "another person decided to go for a walk tonight."

Bengi glanced to the three men, giggling once more when he spotted Rodney rolling his eyes behind the doctor's back.

Running his hands down the boy's arms and legs, Carson glanced up and smiled. "Dr. McKay made a funny face, didn't he?"

"Yes." It was the first time anyone had heard him speak.

"Can you show me what he did, lad?"

Bengi made a perfect imitation of Rodney.

"Oh, for Pete's sake, I'm finked on by a little kid," McKay huffed, catching an elbow in the ribs from Sheppard.

"Admit it, McKay; the kid's got your number."

Before things got too out of hand, Beckett tapped Bengi on the shoulder then turned around to face his friends. "I think now would be a good time for you to find, Elizabeth, Major."

Sheppard opened his mouth and then closed it. Understanding the signal that it was time for him to leave, he gave the boy a wink before heading out the door. "Back in a minute."

TBC

A/N: Kind comments make a happy writer.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

It might have been morbid fascination, or it might have been fear at what Carson might find, but Rodney found himself unable to step away as Bengi's examination continued. He knew even before the Scot confirmed it, that the boy wouldn't have any marks on him, at least none of the physical nature. And when the doctor asked him to keep an eye on the lad while he went to retrieve his stethoscope, he suddenly found himself unable to breathe when the dark green innocent eyes met his.

_Boy, how many times have I told you not to look at me like that? When I talk to you, you should be looking at the floor, and only answering 'Yes, sir' or 'No, sir'. I don't want people telling me what an uppity son, I have. Do I make myself clear?_

_Yes, sir._

_Speak up! No one wants to hear you mumble._

_Yes, sir!_

The second Carson stepped back into the room he recognized the signs of distress etched in the scientist's face. "Rodney," he spoke gently, his voice reflecting the same tone he'd used on Bengi in the hallway, "why don't you sit down?"

"I think I'd rather go back to my quarters." Edging away, with his back to the door, he kept his gaze firmly fixed on the doctor, "I'm fine Carson, just need to go back to bed. Peace and quiet. Can't seem to get that here." Reaching behind himself, he felt for the doorway, before quickly disappearing into the hallway. He knew Carson wouldn't follow with the boy still in there.

He ducked down the closest stairwell, blindly taking the steps, only to land with a thump when he missed one. He had to get back to his room; he didn't want anyone else to witness his attacks. Sheppard had been embarrassing enough. And now with his heart pounding double time in his chest, he squeezed his eyes tight and tried to concentrate. That was all he needed to do; take his mind off it. Turning on the landing, he shifted directions and headed towards his lab. It was late and no one should be there; exactly what he needed.

SG: A

"What do you mean, he left?" Sheppard hissed, pulling Beckett aside. "Didn't you get a good look at him? He's a mess."

"What do you think I should have done, Major, chase after him and leave the little one here alone? He's a grown man, and if my hunch is correct, he's beelined it to his lab. Whenever Rodney needs to distract himself, he finds a project."

Dr. Weir cleared her throat to gain the two men's attention. When the major had initially paged her, informing her that they had come across the ambassador's son in a stairwell, it never occurred to her to ask why they were up at such an hour. Something was definitely going on with her chief scientist and if her gut instincts were right, these two knew exactly what it was; unfortunately, now was not the time to discuss it. "Gentlemen, if you're finished, I'd like to take Bengi back to his father." Carson had given him a clean bill of health just as they'd arrived.

She gave the boy a warm smile and was surprised when he suddenly stiffened beside her. Shooting a questioning glance towards Carson, he in turn faced Sheppard.

"Thanks a lot," he snapped under his breath to the Scot. Walking over to the bed Bengi was sitting on, he held out his arms, "Hey, buddy, we got to go see your dad. What do you say I give you a lift?"

The child's reaction was instantaneous. He shut down. His reaction was so similar to what Sheppard had seen in McKay over the past few days when confronted with an unpopular decision, he found himself glancing again towards Beckett to see if he had noticed. From the look on the Scot's face, he had.

Sheppard lifted the boy and sighed when the little fellow once again wrapped his legs around the person who carried him. "Aren't you tired?"

Bengi mimicked the major's sigh, shaking his head slowly 'no'.

"Oh. You're pretty quiet for a little guy, you know that?" The only response was a small shrug. "Well, what do you say I give you a lift back?"

This time Bengi studied the three adults in the room, his eyes shifting from one to the other before he laid his head to rest on Sheppard's shoulder, facing away towards the wall.

"Carson, you didn't find any reason for him to stay here?" Weir asked, trying to find some reason why not to take the boy back to his father.

Beckett's shoulders drooped as he passed his hand over Bengi's short blonde hair, "Nay, lass."

"Okay then." Taking a deep breath, she gestured to the door, "Major."

"Elizabeth," he protested, hugging the little one closer to his chest.

"I'm sorry, John, there's nothing else we can do."

SG: A

It practically killed Sheppard to drop the boy off with Lokii. The look on the ambassador's face remained completely neutral as he took his son's hand, resting his large open palm on the top of Bengi's head. The boy never looked up at them, his expression never changing.

"Thank you for bringing him back. He has a bad habit of wandering about at home when he can't sleep. Don't you son?" he asked, tapping Bengi on the back of his head.

The boy grimaced ever so slightly before nodding his head, "Yes, sir."

"Say thank you and good night to Dr. Weir and Major Sheppard, son."

"Thank you, ma'am, and sir. I'm sorry for causing you any trouble."

Hunkering down eye level to the young visitor, Sheppard smiled, "Not a problem, little man, we were out for a walk anyways, just like you."

The green eyes briefly flickered in his direction before he turned and headed silently back into the guest quarters. Standing back up, the major schooled his own expression as he met the ambassador's impervious gaze. "He's a special little boy. How old is he?"

"He is eight. Forgive me, Major, Dr. Weir, but it is late and I must get my son to bed. Until later." He bowed before stepping back, allowing the door to close.

Sheppard rested his hand on the wall, scowling at the ornate door, "I don't like him."

"Major, it's not up to us how he chooses to raise his child."

"But he could be hurting the boy," the officer interrupted.

"I'm sorry, John, but Carson found nothing wrong. We cannot interfere."

His dark gaze stared into her compassionate face but was unable to find what he was looking for. Disgusted, he spun on his heel, leaving her alone as he went in search of McKay.

SG: A

Two voices carried quietly out into the empty hallway where Sheppard stood, listening to the familiar, well rehearsed argument as it progressed to the point of a well meant threat.

"Rodney, you need to sleep. If you don't, I'll have Weir ban you from the lab."

"Been there, done that, Carson," the scientist's voice replied. "When you come up with something new, let me know.'

"Rodney…"

"Carson," there was a sigh, "I can handle this. It just took me by surprise. I don't want my life on display for everyone to stare at. This," he paused, "this is private. Please, just drop it."

"I can't do that, son."

"You never even knew anything about it until tonight," McKay replied irritably.

"I've had my suspicions. And when you go and disappear, with the major having to go look for you, is that normal? What if it had been Major Sheppard who was in trouble? Can you tell me that you wouldn't feel the exact same way, the same concern, he's having about you?"

Silence. 'Come on, McKay,' the major silently urged.

"There's nothing anyone can do." The Canadian's voice was filled with resignation. "I just need to be left alone."

There was a sound of something being dragged across the floor. Taking a quick glance into the room, Sheppard spotted Beckett sitting down on a stool beside the scientist, who was already seated at a table, toying with a tray of food that looked vaguely familiar.

"Did you leave him alone after the incident with that Chaya woman? Did you leave me alone after what happened with the Hoffans?"

Rodney dropped his head into hands, staring at the counter top. "That was different."

"Nay, it's all the same."

That was his cue. Entering the room quietly, Sheppard stood on the other side of his friend, "He's right, McKay."

The scientist's shoulders drooped, his fingers carded through his hair. "I'm tired," he mumbled, his head dropping to rest on his arms.

Grabbing the tray of cheese and fruit before the man's face got planted in it; Carson pushed it to the other side of the work table. He then stood up and slipped a hand under Rodney's arm while the major grasped the other. "Come on," he urged, lifting his exhausted friend to his feet. "You need to sleep on a bed."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

It was after breakfast that McKay first began to stir. That in itself surprised Beckett, for he thought for certain that the smell of his early morning coffee would have tempted the scientist from sleep. Such was not the case, though, and after the major had left to take care of whatever it was that he did during the day, the physician found himself quietly puttering around his office while keeping a close eye on Rodney.

Cautiously drawing a vial of blood, he set it aside while performing a few more non-invasive tests. As long as the man wasn't moving, Carson figured why not. It must have been the blood pressure cuff that finally irked Rodney's subconscious into waking. When the sleepy Canadian's hand reached out to scratch at the binding material, the Scot peeled it off quickly and tucked it in one of the oversized pockets of his lab coat.

"You planning on getting up anytime soon?" he asked, when sleep filled eyes came to rest on him, blinking heavily to clear the morning fuzziness.

"What time's it?"

"Half past ten. How do you feel, lad?"

Rodney became instantly awake, "Oh, why didn't you wake me?" He went to hop off the bed, getting caught in the blankets before Carson stopped him with a hand on the arm. "I've got a staff meeting," he began to say before noticing the cotton ball and Band-Aid taped to the crook of his arm. Shooting the physician and accusing glare, he reached down and peeled it off, before balling it up and tossing it at Beckett. "Just couldn't resist, could you? Stab a man while he's down."

The Scot gave a nonchalant smile and shrugged. "I didn't have anyone else here to torment and you were just lying there."

"I have to go."

"No, you don't. You need to eat something nutritious before I let you go off and terrorize the rest of the science community."

"I have work to do, Doctor."

"Actually, I spoke with Dr. Zelenka earlier and he cleared your schedule."

"He can't do that! It's my lab, I'm in charge,"' Rodney huffed, this time making it to the floor, his bare feet coming in contact with the cool surface. Glancing about for his socks, he spotted a pile of clothing at his bedside before realizing he was wearing scrubs. "When…? How..?" he blustered, pushing his way past Beckett and grabbing his uniform.

Carson merely stood back and watched, a mischievous smile playing across his face. It was good to see some of bristle reappear in his friend.

Dressed, McKay glanced about looking for his shoes. "Where are they?" he snapped at the Scot.

"Ask nicely and maybe I'll tell you."

Taking a menacing step forward, he glowered at the Scot, "I don't have time for this. Where are my shoes?"

Arms folded and not budging, Carson didn't flinch. "Eat your breakfast and I'll give them back."

Absolute exasperation flooded the scientist's face and then he froze, his eyes coming to peer directly at Beckett. "You drugged me, didn't you?"

"Oh, for the love of Pete, Rodney, you were dead on your feet. I didn't need to do anything because you'd already done it to yourself." He steered the scientist towards his office. "Not eating, not sleeping, and disappearing for days..."

"I get the picture. Feel free to stop anytime now," McKay grunted, then hesitated briefly when the smell of fresh coffee assaulted his senses. The low growl of his stomach protested painfully, making him aware that it had been awhile since he really eaten anything of substance and kept it down. "Fine, where's breakfast so I can go?"

Beckett gestured to the empty seat across from his desk. Once Rodney sat, he reached into a refrigerated cabinet and removed a tray from the mess hall, placing it in front of his friend. "I'll give you back your shoes and share my pot of coffee, after you finish everything on the tray."

Hungry and wanting to leave, McKay picked up a bagel covered in jam and took a healthy bite.

SG: A

"Next on our tour is the science labs," Lt. Ford announced from the open doorway, holding his arm out and ushering the visiting dignitaries into McKay's lab. "Please be very careful and do not touch anything while you are here." The young officer walked around the main station, stopping behind Zelenka and McKay who were clearly ignoring the entourage by continuing to work over an odd shaped piece of equipment.

When neither man looked up, Ford grinned, taking it as a personal challenge to see which scientist he could get a response out of first. Dropping a hand down onto the stiff Canadian's shoulder, he continued his speech. "Dr. McKay is the chief of the science department. Because of his continued studies and efforts, he has effectively maintained the day to day operations of Atlantis. I realize that he appears very involved in his current project, but I know for a fact that he would be honored to answer any of your questions." If at all possible, the muscles under his hand tightened even further.

Ford's other hand dropped to the Czech's shoulder, giving it a friendly pat. "And this is Dr. Zelenka. He's Dr. McKay's right hand man. When McKay gets stuck or accidentally sets the lab on fire, it's Dr. Z to the rescue. Sort of like Robin to Batman or Tonto to the Lone Ranger."

Radek's hand froze in mid air as he was handing Rodney a power scanner, and if it wasn't for the minute tremor that only those closest to him could see, no one would have known that the lieutenant succeeded in his plan. Leaning over between their two shoulders, his grin grew larger as he whispered conspiratorially, "The major owes me a weekend pass to the main land. Thanks, Dr. Z."

The two scientists slowly shifted their gaze to one another and nodded. Without any spoken word, McKay lifted a small item off the table and casually reached over, pretending to hand it to Zelenka, before poking it into the back of Ford's hand. With a slight yelp, the formerly grinning young man suddenly found himself with an entirely numb right arm.

"Doc?" he choked out, shaking the useless appendage with his left hand

"Sorry, Ford, you were in my way. Don't worry; it'll come back in a minute or two."

Radek took the instrument from Rodney, turning it over in his hand, admiring the Ancient technology. Casually pushing his glasses on top of his head, he shrugged, "I forgot to reset power level after last test. Oops. Guess I must turn in sidekick cape."

Before Rodney had the chance for a decent comeback, the ambassador stepped up to their table and scowled at the two seated scientists. "Doctors, is it customary to humiliate officers in front of guests in your culture?"

McKay momentarily forgot how to breathe before his natural survival instincts kicked in. Rising slowly from his stool he stood eye level with Lokii, "I never show disrespect to anyone but imbeciles and idiots. If, in your ignorance of our culture, you mistook a harmless moment of friendship to be that of humiliation, then you need to familiarize yourself more thoroughly with our customs."

The ambassador glared at Rodney so hard that the veins in his neck became visible. "Perhaps, it is you, Doctor McKay, who needs to be educated on customs of respecting those who hold a higher social status than that of yourself. That a scientist can be bought, but a ruler is forged by the people."

"I don't know in what Cracker Jack box you discovered that little tidbit of insanity, Ambassador, but it you think…" the remainder of McKay's retort froze on his tongue at the sight of Sheppard coming to stand at his side.

"McKay," the major drawled, deliberately ignoring Lokii, "Dr. Weir wanted to know if you were available. She has the leader of MR7-987 on standby to talk to you. It seems they're having gate trouble and need your expertise."

Completely forgetting the individual who only moments before he had considered taking a Wraith stunner to, McKay sighed and nodded. "Come on Radek; let's go see what King Friday has done to Neighborhood of Make Believe this time." Picking up his laptop, he walked out the door without looking back.

"I do not care for that man," Lokii spoke coldly, as soon as the scientists had left the room.

"Well then, it's a good thing you don't live here, isn't it, Sir? Because that man has more brains in his little finger than the majority of people on Atlantis, and he's pulled our ass out of the fire more times than I can remember. I can't imagine anyone more qualified to represent us, than McKay." With that, Sheppard made his way to the door and waited for the Ambassador and his party to follow.

Ford was last out of the room before coming to stand at the major's side, "I don't have good feeling about this, sir."

"Yeah, me neither. Keep an eye on the ambassador for me, lieutenant, and let me know if he slips up."

"Yes, sir."

He watched his second make his way back to rejoin the group, noticing the young man rubbing his right arm and then shake his fingers. "Ford?"

With a quick look back over his shoulder, the young officer waited. "Sir?"

"Which one of them got you?"

"Sir?" he repeated, although he clearly knew what Sheppard was waiting for.

The major merely raised a brow, "McKay or Zelenka?"

"Dr. Z started to cave first, but then Dr. McKay distracted me and…" he shook his arm again.

"Can't say I didn't warn you," Sheppard smirked.

"Yes, sir." Spying the group at the end of the hallway waiting impatiently for him, he rolled his eyes at his CO before jogging down to meet them.

With the group finally out of sight, Sheppard turned back and gave the lab one last glance, then closed the door. He needed to find a certain pair of the scientists.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

If ever there was a day that Rodney wished to return to his life of obscurity back on Earth, it was today. Sure, for a time there, being trapped in the middle of Russia, working on their gate project left a lot to be desired, but everyone also left him alone. Same with Antarctica; again, he was at the top of the food chain so to speak when he first started there, but not a soul dared to bother him. Of course, nobody took a scientific step without his approval first either. But then, that's when he first met Beckett, and the Scot had latched onto him like a long lost member of the clan.

Well, maybe latched was too strong of a word, but for some odd reason, Carson had gone out of his way to include him in trivial things such as a simple as a cup of coffee in the morning. No one had ever really taken the time before, with Rodney, to extend friendship, and the two gradually found themselves forming a familiar routine of sarcastic jibes and banter that made the remainder of the expedition crew wonder if the Scot had lost his mind, or if the Canadian truly was the heartless bastard they'd initially believed. A brief smile touched his tired face at the memories.

Opening his eyes, he tipped his head back to lean against the wall of the small transport elevator he'd been sitting in for over half an hour, his left hand absently tracing the scars on his right arm. And now there was Sheppard. Never in a million years, could Rodney have imagined himself befriending a member of the military, for that was the image of his father…military all the way. The man never had patience for his science geek son who showed no interest in following in his commanding footsteps. How many times had Rodney heard the harsh words or felt the strong backhand against the top of his head when he'd disappointed the old man yet again?

_Countries are forged on the backs of strong men. _Rodney hated those words and hearing them repeated almost verbatim from the ambassador earlier in the day had resurfaced another long forgotten memory. _"_Damnit,"the scientist hissed, taking a deep breath in an attempt to control the sudden pounding tightness in his chest, "notagain."

He needed to get out. Hiding in a closet might have worked when he was little but the overwhelming need for air was pushing him to leave the security of the enclosed space. With a quick glance to his watch, he noticed the time, and that meant he'd find a good portion of Atlantis' hallways abandoned for the night. What he found when he opened the door took him by surprise. "Carson?"

The Scot looked up from his seated position on the floor, an open file in one hand and a pen in the other. "Well, it's about bloody time, lad. I was starting to think you fell asleep in there."

"What are you doing?" Rodney demanded, attempting to cover up his embarrassment at being found.

Closing the folder, Carson tucked it in a bag at his side before stretching his arms and legs, accepting McKay's hand up. When the Scot merely shrugged, Rodney eyed him closely. "You were following me, weren't you?"

"I was on my way back from the labs and I saw you step in there," he said, gesturing to the open lift.

"And you were sitting out here because…?" Rodney prompted, folding his arms impatiently, unhappy that the doctor found it necessary to spy on him.

"I was waiting for you," the Scot stated matter-of-factly.

"I could have been on my way to half of Atlantis!"

Carson shrugged again and pulled his bag over his shoulder while starting to make his way down the hallway. "Did you hear about Sergeant Bates falling off the scaffolding in the jumper bay this evening?"

"No. I've been busy. I don't have time to keep track of everyone."

"Aye." Carson stopped and looked back at Rodney, "Are you coming? I want to get a bite to eat before they shut down the kitchen." When the scientist began to follow without saying a word, he hid his smile, "From what I heard, Dr. Kavanagh and the sergeant were having a rather heated discussion about the storage space on board being prioritized for weapons. The good doctor wanted to remove them so that he could transport some experiment on the next mission."

"Oh, wouldn't the Major have loved that?" Rodney snapped.

This time the physician grinned and nodded, continuing with his distracting story, "Apparently Bates must have felt the same way, and when Dr. Kavanagh called him something to the effect of being a stupid jarhead and attempted to shove him out of his way, things got a wee bit ugly."

Rodney rolled his hand to get Beckett to move the story along.

"The darn fool Kavanagh lost his footing and grabbed Bates by the shirt before he fell off the scaffolding. Being a good soldier, Bates dragged him up again. Unfortunately, the sergeant wasn't ready for Kavanagh to shove him once he got his feet back under him, and the scientist tipped him over the railing."

"How far did he fall? Is he hurt?"

"Two, three meters at the most. And, although he wrenched his knee when he landed, he was evidently well enough to make a go after Dr. Kavanagh."

"I would have liked to have seen that," Rodney smirked. Bates always struck him as the no nonsense type and he could only imagine what he might do if someone really ticked the man off.

"You and me both. But from what I heard, the major somehow intercepted the altercation before it got too out of hand." Carson stood to the side of the door to the mess hall, allowing Rodney to pass in before him. "The sergeant is on crutches for the next couple of weeks, but should be fine. And neither hide nor hair has been seen of Kavanagh all evening, from what I hear."

Rodney chuckled, the beginnings of another attack completely forgotten. With dinner trays loaded, they made their way over to an empty table, propped their feet up on unused chairs, and relaxed while they ate.

It was while the scientist began to eat his second piece of cake that Carson dared to broach the subject of the ambassador. "I hear you had a wee bit of a run in of yourself, today?"

Rodney stopped eating, put his fork back down on his almost empty tray, and pushed it away. "If you ask me, it won't be soon enough for Lokii and his band of merry men to leave."

Carson leaned forward, his elbows resting on the table. "Why's that?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Standing up, McKay brusquely shoved his chair into the table with a clatter and headed for the door. He wasn't surprised to find the doctor again at his side.

"Care to go for another walk?"

"I want to be left alone."

"I don't think that's the best idea."

Stopping in the deserted hallway, Rodney spun around to face Beckett, "Why the hell not! I've been alone for 20 years, what's different now?"

"Because now you don't have to be," Carson answered simply, refusing to back down. "Come now, we don't want to keep the major waiting."

He was so tired and his weary brain slipped. Shifting on his feet, he looked longingly down the hallway towards his quarters and groaned, "What are you talking about?"

Carson carefully studied the man standing before him. He recognized the pinched lines around the scientist's eyes indicating a headache, the slumped shoulders of exhaustion. With any luck, the Canadian would be asleep not long after they got together with Sheppard. "A game of cards between friends, possibly a little alcohol, and some company to keep the ghosts at bay until the ambassador leaves."

"Carson, I'm a grown man…"

"Enough, Doctor. Either you come with me now or I have you spend the night in the infirmary." When it looked like the scientist was about to protest, Carson folded his own arms over his chest and scowled. "Before you decide to argue with me, you should be thankful the major insisted that I give you a choice."

Dead silence permeated the hallway with the stalemate between the two men, neither willing to tip first in defeat, until Rodney growled in acceptance. "Where're we going?"

"The major's favorite viewing room."

"Oh, please. Don't tell me he's going to make us watch that lame football disc of his again. I'll be asleep in minutes."

Carson allowed himself a tight grin as they made their way past the crew quarter, "Exactly."

SG: A

"I told you to stay in the room!"

The two doctors stopped and glanced briefly at one another before picking up their pace. Trying to pinpoint from which direction the muffled, angry voice was coming, they came to a halt outside the doors of one of the exterior balconies that overlooked the ocean.

"This disrespect will not be tolerated. When we return to home, I will put an end to this night time wandering permanently!" Ambassador Lokii's furious voice emanated from the opposite side of the door.

Without even thinking, Carson's hand hit the panel to activate the door while Rodney took up the position to confront the angry man. When nothing happened, even after a second and third try, the Scot stood back as McKay pulled off the cover and quickly adjusted several crystals, activating the override controls. With one smooth snap, the lock disengaged and the entranceway opened.

Lokii spun around, his expression murderous as he held Bengi by the front of his sleeping garments, shaking his son like a rag doll, "Get out!"

"Put the boy down," Carson instructed, carefully edging towards the pair while Rodney slipped behind the ambassador.

Eyes filled with fury and hatred, along with something else, fixed themselves on the doctor. Dropping his son, Lokii roared and rushed Carson like a crazed beast, lifting the physician by his jacket and slamming him painfully into the outer wall of Atlantis.

Rodney instantly threw his arm around Lokii's neck, trying to cut off the man's air supply so that he would let go of Beckett.

This only infuriated the man more. With his deadly grip maintained on Carson, he spun around and slammed his back towards the wall, effectively pinning the Canadian. Lokii pressed with superhuman strength, crushing Rodney until the scientist's grip failed when he could no longer draw a breath. McKay collapsed silently to the floor.

Carson knew he was in serious trouble when he could no longer see his friend, and catching a glimpse of Lokii's face in the darkness revealed only madness. Reaching out to grasp the ambassador's arm, he was surprised when the crazed man lifted him and tossed him as easily as he had his son. Next thing the physician knew, he was sailing off the balcony, out over the open water.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Carson knew he was a dead man the second he passed over the railing, flailing helplessly head over heels towards the deep churning ocean below. With no time to call for help, his last sight of Rodney was of his friend sliding bonelessly to balcony floor. The exterior lights of Atlantis flashing by him at a frightening speed, he tightly clenched his eyes, had one final thought of home and his family, and waited for the inevitable splash. Instead, a blinding pain slammed into his shoulder and he twisted at an odd angle, feeling himself slam into something else before miraculously catching hold of a piece of structure in his armpit. Wrapping his left arm around the dark object, he held on for dear life, waiting for his racing heart to slow so that he could call for help with a voice stronger than a breathless whisper.

Finally daring to open his eyes, he first looked up to see the tall spires of Atlantis lit up above him, then cautiously glanced down towards the dark water. He could hear it splashing against the enormous station but couldn't make out how much farther he would have fallen. Sending a silent 'thank you' to the heavens, he carefully reached his right arm over the section of Atlantis that he was clinging to and patted his chest pocket, feeling his earpiece still tucked inside. With painstaking slowness, his shoulder protesting in agony at being moved, he was able to adjust it safely into his ear, activating the small piece of equipment.

"Major Sheppard," Beckett paged, praying for reception, "this is an emergency. Please respond."

"_Beckett?"_ Sheppard replied immediately. _"What's wrong? I thought you were on your..,"_

"Major," the Scot interrupted, "I'm in a bit of trouble and need your help right now."

"_I'm on my way, doc. Just tell me where you are."_

"I fell off a balcony near the crew quarters and am hanging by my fingertips above the bloody water."

"_How far did you fall?"_

That's what Carson liked about Sheppard. Not 'how did you' or 'why?' "I don't know!" he cried out in exasperation, his arm and shoulder throbbing painfully.

"_Okay, hang on a little longer, I'm on my way. I'm gonna leave the channel open while I call for more help. If you need me, give me a shout, okay?"_

"Aye. Just please hurry."

Within moments, more of Atlantis' exterior lights came on and for the first time Carson became fully aware of just how close he'd come to hitting the water. He appeared to be dangling from some sort of weather sensing apparatus, a good fifteen meters above the ocean. Trying hard not to look down again, he did his best to shift his grip and gain a firmer hold, only to feel himself slip slightly as the cold condensation on the metal structure made his palms wet.

"Major, please hurry," Carson called out.

"_We're coming, doc. You should be able to see a jumper right about now."_ As if on cue, the search light from the small vessel lit up his predicament, and Beckett could hear the voice of Markham describing the situation to the major.

"_Doc?"_

"Aye?"

"_I'm right above you and I'm on my way down. You're doing good and it'll be just a little longer. Okay?"_

Carson nodded, closing his eyes and using his remaining strength to maintain his precarious position. He heard the major call out 'heads up' when a pair of ropes were released from above, but found himself too tired to look. And it was only the zipper sound of someone descending on the nylon cable that gave him his first sense of relief that maybe this was going to turn out alright.

A moment later there was a slight jarring to the equipment he was clinging to and Carson cautiously opened his tightly clenched eyes to find one smiling Major Sheppard. "Am I happy to see you," the Scot gasped in relief.

"Hey, doc, how are you doing?" Taking in his friend's appearance, he shook his head as he slipped a safety harness around Beckett's waist and legs. When he reached over the physician's shoulder and grabbed the second rope, he bumped Carson's injured shoulder, causing the man to cry out in pain. Sheppard stopped instantly and waited while his friend got his ragged breathing back under control. "How bad are you hurt?"

Carson blew out a small breath, the moisture misting in the cool night air. "Hit my shoulder on the way down. I don't know how badly."

"Okay, we'll take it nice and slow as we go down, alright? Let me do all the work." The physician gave a small nod. "On the count of three, I want you to let go. There's an emergency lifeboat below waiting for us, so all we've got to do is take it nice and slow."

Carson gave another small nod and John grinned, hiding his concern. "One. Two. Three." The ropes pulled taut above them as the two men slowly began their descent. "You and McKay sure know how to keep me busy," the major quipped, trying to take Carson's mind off what they were doing. Unfortunately the reaction he got wasn't what he'd hoped.

Beckett reached out and grabbed Sheppard's life vest with his good hand, his face filled with worry. "Did you find him?"

"Who? McKay?"

"He was on the balcony."

"There was no one there, when I got there." A look of confusion clouded Sheppard's face, "He didn't toss you over, did he?"

"No." The Scot glanced back up from where he'd originally gone over, "Lokii did."

"The ambassador?" Before he got the chance to question Beckett further, there was a loud creak of tearing metal from above, then the large piece of equipment that Carson had been hanging on to earlier tore loose from Atlantis, plummeting rapidly towards the dangling men and water. Sheppard instantly grabbed the Scot by his belt, trying to shield his friend from further injury. And, Carson, sensing extreme imminent danger, threw his arms around the major's neck out of sheer reflex and desperately hung on.

The sheared end of the antenna sliced through Carson's line, barely missing both men, before it tumbled past them less than a second later. But they were still not out of danger when it became entangled in the Scot's line, spinning the pair haphazardly through the air. Instantly its momentum shifted as it came to a jarring halt, its added weight nearly ripping Beckett out of Sheppard's grasp.

Holding on for all he was worth, the major tried to maintain his grip, his muscles screaming in protest at the strain of the weight being pulled against him. "Cut the rope!" he yelled down to the waiting crew in the life boat.

He spotted a figure immediately dive overboard and began swimming in their direction as they dangled now only a few meters over the water, the antenna swaying just above the churning surface. "You doing okay, doc?" he asked Carson when the man latched tighter onto his life vest. "Because, I don't usually swing this way, if you catch my drift."

Carson gave a small snort of exasperation before shaking his head 'no', and then gasped when the weight on the opposite end of the rope pulled at him painfully. He could feel his tenuous grip slipping, his tired muscles refusing to maintain their hold. Looking up into Sheppard's face, he tried to convey that he was sorry when he finally could hold on no longer. Pulled out of the major's hold by the weight of the fallen object, he hit the water with a resounding splash before being dragged under.

Less than half a second later, a strong arm grabbed him beneath the arms and began to tow him back towards the surface; while a second individual quickly sliced through the rope tangled at his feet. Breaching the water, the Scot sagged in his rescuers arms, unable to notice it was Lieutenant Ford holding him up. Sheppard popped up from the depths a moment later, his face filled with concern as he called the rescue boat closer.

Two more pairs of arms reached over the sides of the rubber boat and gently lifted Becket into safety before extending a hand to Sheppard and then Ford. With all members of Atlantis extracted from the cold, dark ocean, they made their way back to the pier, while the jumper kept them in the spotlight.

It was Elizabeth who first met them, standing rigid with her arms folded, her face a mask of worry. Behind her, a medical team waited while they tied up to the pier, before Carson was lifted from the boat and placed on a gurney. He'd lost consciousness soon after Ford had pulled him from the water and was now being rushed to his own medical facility.

Sheppard was next out of the boat. Others waiting nearby instantly wrapped him in blankets, asking dozens of questions, but he searched for one face and didn't recognize it in the small crowd. When he heard his name being called and soft hands pressing against his face, he frowned. "Where's Rodney?" he heard his voice ask even though he couldn't remember speaking.

"We haven't been able to find him," Elizabeth answered, patiently pulling him towards the doorway. "Maybe he's asleep."

"No, Beckett said he was on the balcony when Lokii threw him off."

That stopped Weir in her tracks. "Ambassador Lokii threw Carson off the balcony?"

Sheppard nodded, his teeth beginning to chatter from the cold.

"What else did he say happened?"

"He didn't. That's about the time we decided to go for a nighttime swim." A medic pressed a steaming cup of coffee into his cold hands and he held it tightly, allowing some of residual heat to permeate his fingers before lifting the beverage to his lips. It was strong and hot, burning a path the entire way down his throat, warming him from the inside out. His befuddled brain returning to normal after the intense adrenalin rush, he shrugged off the now wet blanket and made his way to the nearest transport lift.

"Major, where are you going?" Weir asked as she grasped his arm, trying to steer him back towards the medical team.

"My quarters. I need to get some dry clothes and my gear."

"Major. John, you need to go to the infirmary and get checked out by a doctor."

He stopped to stare down at her, his eyes looking darker than normal. "I have to find Rodney," he said matter of factly.

"Major, I have every available team out looking for them as we speak. Now I must insist that you come with me back to the infirmary. Once you're examined and they say it's okay for you to leave, you can join the search."

He shook his head and pulled away, "Sorry, no can do. I need to find McKay first before…"

"Before what? What's going on that you aren't telling me?" she demanded, her worry turning into anger.

"I can't explain right now. You're just going to have to trust me." Stepping into the lift, he turned back to face her, "Keep me updated on Beckett." With that, the doors closed, leaving him alone in the small chamber as it sped upwards towards the crew level.

He knew he had to find Rodney before the scientist did something he'd regret for the rest of his life. Sheppard could only imagine what had gone through McKay's mind when he saw Carson thrown off the balcony by a man that resembled his abusive father. And now the fact that he was missing, along with Lokii, gave the major a very bad feeling.

Entering his quarters, he quickly stripped out of his wet clothing and pulled on a dry uniform. His gear still loaded in the utility vest and small backpack, he strapped his sidearm to his thigh, grabbed an extra clip, and headed back out to the corridor. Hoping he wasn't too late, he started to run.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Watching Lokii throw Beckett over the railing was worse than any nightmare Rodney could have ever imagined. His second most horrible nightmare was not being able to do anything about. Waiting to hear the inevitable splash of the Scot hitting the water far below, the night air was filled only with silence and the harsh breathing of the ambassador. An intense pain ripped through Rodney's chest; not one of the physical nature, but on the personal level, knowing that he'd just witnessed the death of a dear friend.

Pent up anger, long buried and forgotten, burned intensely once more within the scientist, like the fires of a dormant volcano surging back into existence. If it was the last thing he ever did, he vowed to himself, he would destroy Lokii with whatever means he could. There was no way he would allow that soulless bastard to ever hurt another.

With the damp cool floor pressing against the side of his face, McKay's eyes traveled over the darkened balcony to spy Bengi huddled in the corner farthest from his father. Clearly in shock, the boy sat rocking slowly back and forth, his small arms wrapped around himself, his impossibly young face pressed tightly against his knees. It was then that Rodney remembered this was more than just his own personal desire for revenge. Drawing in a cautious breath, he checked the damage to his bruised body before shifting slowly to his knees. His ribs and back protested sharply, but this only fueled his desire and determination, and he used it to push himself to his feet.

Lokii must have sensed the movement behind him. Two steps ahead of the scientist, he reached out and grabbed his son, pulling him up to stand, his large hand wrapped around the boy's neck. "What will you do, Doctor McKay?" he taunted, tipping Bengi's head side to side. "Are you so sure that you can save the boy? One little twist of my wrist, and he can be gone. Nothing you can do can stop that, or me."

Rodney remained standing, his eyes fixed on the empty face of the little boy who simply waited with an attitude of utter acceptance that this would be the end. Not willing to allow one so young to give up, he took a step away, hoping the ambassador saw it as a sign of him backing down, that he was a weak scientist who would cower to someone stronger. His plan worked.

Dark pupils filled Lokii's eyes, his gaze glassy and restless as he studied his opponent. Strengthening his grip, he gestured to the doorway with his free hand. "Open it," his icy voice demanded. Satisfaction spread across his features when the scientist complied before stepping out into the hallway. It was then that the emergency exterior lights of Atlantis came to life, illuminating the night sky, temporarily blinding the ambassador. He raged in pain when his dilated eyes were overexposed, sending messages to his brain that it could not understand because of the drugs in his system.

It was the chance McKay needed. Reaching out, he grabbed the boy and yanked him free from Lokii. "Run!" he shouted, giving the boy a push. But years of being threatened and mistreated had taken their toll and the little one remained frozen with fear.

Lokii's hand slammed hard against the side of Rodney's head, knocking the scientist to the floor in a dizzying fog, and he found it difficult to regain his footing. Holding his breath in hopes of slowing his rising heart rate, he was unprepared for the violent kick that smashed into his chest. The air whooshed from his abused lungs as he gasped painfully, curling into the fetal position to protect himself from further damage. When a second blow did not immediately follow, Rodney cracked his eyes and spied only two small bare feet across the corridor. "Run," he choked out again. The feet shifted ever so slightly.

"Find Major Sheppard," the scientist gasped, a ragged cramp stealing his breath away. "Silly hair," was the last thing he remembered saying before his world turned grey.

SG: A

A powerful hand grabbed Rodney by the scruff of the neck and literally pulled him to his feet. "Where is he?" Lokii raged, slamming the scientist against the wall with a satisfying thump. The scientist drooped in his grasp, further incensing the ambassador, and he pulled his other fist back to continue his assault but stopped when he heard the sound of someone approaching quickly. Dragging his prey, he moved down the hall before being discovered. He'd worry about the boy later, he told himself, after he made it back to his quarters for his tablets.

McKay groaned and stumbled, almost jerking the pair down to the floor before catching his balance on an open doorframe. The hand that forcefully gripped his bicep squeezed tighter with almost superhuman strength. "Keep moving," he heard a deadly voice hiss and he tried to remember what had happened. Shaking his head to clear the confusion, he recognized the ambassador and everything else that had happened came flooding back. Cautiously looking back in the direction from which they had come, he sighed in relief when he didn't spot Bengi.

"Lokii," the scientist grunted, struggling to get his arm free, "let me go. You need help."

The ambassador remained silent, intent on returning to his room on Atlantis. With the guest quarters in sight, the grip changed on Rodney's arm, his fingers now painfully digging into tender flesh. "Be quiet," he growled, palming the door controls and then shoving Rodney inside to land in a heap on the floor.

This was getting old, fast, for the Canadian as his abused body protested angrily at the rough treatment. For once, McKay looked forward to spending time in the infirmary with Beckett hounding him into submissive silence. He froze at that thought, fresh memories of watching the Scot's demise resurfacing to haunt him. Swallowing the bile that burned the back of his throat, he ground his teeth and surged upwards to draw himself to a standing position. It was now or never, and he wasn't about to let Lokii harm another.

He glanced about the room and was surprised to find himself alone. His eyes shot back and forth searching for any sign of the ambassador before falling on the open bath door, the sound of running water emanating from within. His arm clutched around his bruised ribs, Rodney forced himself to walk across the room before spotting Lokii standing in front of the sink with a small open pillbox in one hand, the other putting two fingers into his mouth.

"No!" Rodney shouted, a burst of adrenalin giving him strength as he tackled the man, knocking him off balance in the small room, sending the box of pills scattering down the sink and into the toilet.

But it was too late, for Lokii had already refueled his need. With strength born of drug induced madness, he slammed Rodney against the mirror above the sink, shattering the glass with the back of the scientist's head. A second thrust drove shards deep into the Atlantean's hairline while others clattered to the floor. Filled with insane satisfaction, the ambassador dropped the unconscious body he was holding, not caring where it landed, and made his way over to his bed. The feeling of fresh euphoria encompassed him as he lie back and allowed it to take over.

To Lokii's dismay though, his body burned and used up the single tablet within minutes, demanding the more familiar increased dosage to sate his need. Rubbing his trembling hands across his face, he waited for his thundering heart ease so that he could stand without becoming dizzy. Once on his feet, he staggered back to the bathroom and stared with disgust at the body on the floor. Shoving the scientist aside with his foot, he scoured the room for his remaining pills, only to become furious when all he found was the empty box.

Knowing that the others would soon come looking for him, and his body's demand for more drugs would not relent, he reached down and grabbed Doctor McKay, shaking him stiffly until his eyes moved behind the closed lids. "Wake up!" Lokii demanded, his hand stinging Rodney's face with a resounding slap.

The scientist groaned once more as his chest began to rise and fall with his increased heart rate. Feebly holding up one hand to protect himself from further blows, he was startled when a hand grasped it and yanked him to his feet. This time there was no stopping the nauseating spin that erupted with the blinding pain to the back of his head. Grasping the sink, he lost control and gasped breathlessly as his insides rebelled painfully with wave after wave. His eyes tightly clenched in agony, his chest cavity beaten and misused, he waited for the final blow that would end his misery. But it did not come.

Lokii grabbed him once more by the arm and steered him back through the room and out to the hallway. "You will take me to where there is medicine." His tone left no room for refusal and even if McKay did try, the sharp piece of glass that the ambassador held pressed against the back of the scientist's neck left little doubt at what the outcome of any such defiance would be.

Tipping sideways, Rodney leaned against the wall before dragging himself forward. Step by agonizing step, he led Lokii through the maze of hallways towards Beckett's infirmary, knowing that the Scotsman wouldn't be there this time to help him. A trail of bloody prints marked the walls as he lost himself in his own world, rambling off the Periodic Table in an attempt to stay sane.

TBC

A/N: I know longer chapters would be nice, but if you want this fast, it comes in small chunks. Didn't your parents teach you 'little bites or you'll get indigestion'? And to the comment on punctuation, my beta tries to help me, but I still seem to miss those darn commas. If you find something that I should go back and fix, please email me and let me know. Thanks.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: This is not how I'd like this chapter to read and I will most likely come back and change a few things once this story is completed. Don't get me wrong, it has all the pieces I wanted it to show, but the flow has some kinks in it that need smoothed out. Thanks again for all the kind notes. You kind of remind me of what my fish look like when I feed them, all bobbing to the top wanting more. This is a good thing because I really like my fish!

Chapter 12

Sheppard raced through Atlantis' hallways, the small life sign detector in his left hand and his service weapon in his right. Dodging around a security team outside the science quarters, he pushed his way into McKay's lab, abruptly coming to a halt before colliding with Dr. Zelenka. "Anything?" he panted, giving the room a quick once over.

The Czech shook his head in dismay, "No Major. Everything is as we left it earlier."

"Damnit, McKay, we need a clue here!" he shouted in frustration while shoving the detector back in a pocket. When a hand touched him on the shoulder, he spun around in edgy surprise to find Ford at his back, once more dressed in dry fatigues. He nodded to his second, "You alright?"

The lieutenant gave his superior a questioning glance, "I think it should be me asking you that, sir."

"I'm fine," Sheppard grunted, not wanting attention focused on him. "Zelenka doesn't think McKay's been here, so I'm thinking we need to check out the guest quarters. Maybe Lokii returned to his room…"

"_Major Sheppard_," Stackhouse's voice paged over the comm. system.

"This is Sheppard."

"_Sir, we need you in the stairwell below the general crew quarters."_

Motioning to Ford to come with him, he bolted back out the door. "What'd you find, Sergeant?" he demanded, racing up the stairwell.

"_Not what, sir, but who. It's the ambassador's son_."

"Is he alive?"

"_Yes, sir, but we can't get near him. The kids scared to death. Keeps saying something about 'silly hair', and we thought you might know what that means."_

Sheppard paused just a millisecond, long enough for the person behind him to plow into his back. Glancing over his shoulder he spotted Zelenka grab the railing to stop himself from falling backwards "Where do you think you're going? You need to stay out of this, doc."

"No, I go with you and Lieutenant." He shot a reaffirming look to Ford and nodded, "Remember, I'm sidekick. If Rodney can't fix, I can."

"Doc… Z, I know you want to help, but this is gonna get dangerous. I think you should stay back."

"No, Major!" The Czech snapped. "I go with you, you need me." It left no doubt that, one way or another, he was coming with them.

The major grimaced and looked to Ford. "Keep an eye on him," he instructed as he started back up the stairwell, the others following close behind. Rounding the last bend before the crew floor, he slowed his pace and held up his hand. He could see Stackhouse hunkered down one knee in the doorway above, talking quietly to the Bengi, trying to calm the terrified child. The remainder of the sergeant's team stood back in the hallway.

"Sergeant," he said quietly over the earpiece, "I'm coming up from right below you. Back off and give me some room." The soldier nod slowly and edge back towards his own waiting team. Sheppard then turned to those waiting behind him, "Stay here until I get the boy." Slipping his sidearm back in its holster, he slowly took the remaining steps up to the landing.

Bengi was plastered back against the wall, shaking like a leaf in the middle of a hurricane. His pajama top was torn and there was a large red mark encircling his throat. Green eyes filled with fear watched every step the major made and a visible hitch in the small chest nearly broke Sheppard's heart.

"Hey," he said softly, coming to a stop on the top step. "Are you looking for me?"

"Silly hair," the boy whispered, another small hiccup released as he tried to stop his tears of relief from falling.

Sheppard pasted on his friendliest smile and ran his hand over his head. "Doctor Beckett's just jealous," his tone lightly teased. Inching closer, he watched the boy shift nervously on his feet. "Bengi," he encouraged gently, holding his arms open, "come here."

The small boy hesitated for a moment before rushing to the major, wrapping his arms tightly around the officer's neck and began to sob uncontrollably.

"Shhh," the older man crooned, hugging the frail form tight to his own chest, rocking slowly side to side. "I've got you."

Bengi hiccupped several more times before pushing back to look at Sheppard. His tear stained face held a look of grief stricken determination. "He said to find you," he whispered.

Hazel eyes intently studied the small face before him, not missing the pain and fear reflected back. "Who did?"

Bengi made the scowling face of Rodney's that he'd mimicked back in the infirmary.

"Doctor McKay? You know where Rodney is?" Relief flooded throughout the major. If McKay had sent the boy to find him, then at least could still be alive.

He received a hesitant nod.

"Well, I'm glad he told you to. Can you tell me where you last saw him?"

Bengi licked his lips, his breathing picking up in pace again. "Daddy hit him and he fell down. He told me to run."

Stopping the curse on the tip of his tongue, Sheppard stared hard over boys head at Ford and Zelenka as he wrapped his arms tighter around the small figure. Once they got out of this mess, he was going to have to sit down and talk with McKay about this self-sacrificing tendency he'd been showing more and more lately, people might begin to think he was human after all. "Where was he, Bengi?"

"Our room."

The major ran his hand across the top of the blonde hair, tipping the head back to smile into the green eyes. "Thank you for coming to find me. I know you're scared but I need to go find my friend and make sure he's okay." Gesturing to the waiting team, he signaled Stackhouse to join them. "Hey kiddo, you remember the sergeant, here?"

Bengi warily nodded.

"Okay, well, I'd like him to take you to see Elizabeth. Remember the nice lady from the other night?" Another nod. "Good. She'll keep you safe, I promise."

The small arms clutched tighter about his shoulders before slowly letting go. "Daddy's sick," he whispered, trying to warn his new friend.

"I know. Maybe I can help him get him help."

This time Bengi anxiously shook his head 'no'. "His medicine makes him mean."

The major blinked, his only response to the information. Drug addiction would explain a few things right about now, but it also made their situation that much deadlier. "I'll be careful, I promise." Rising slowly to his feet, the boy still in his arms, he turned to face the sergeant. "Get him to Weir. Anyone gives you any trouble, you know what to do."

"Yes, sir."

He bumped foreheads with Bengi, "I want you to go with him, okay? He'll make sure you're safe."

The ambassador's young son swallowed while a tear slipped down his tired face.

"Hey, I'm gonna go find Rodney and then you can come join us, okay?" He received another quick hug and then the boy turned to face Stackhouse.

The sergeant smiled and held out his arms, "Come here buddy." Carefully transferring the precious burden, Stackhouse grinned at the major. "He reminds me of my nephews back home, sir. Don' worry, I'll get him to Dr. Weir." Turning to his charge, the tough no nonsense man winked, "Ready to go?"

Chewing his lower lip, the boy drooped to rest his head on the strong shoulder before they disappeared back down the empty hall.

Once the others were out of sight, Sheppard grabbed his gun and raced up the steps to the next level, Ford and Zelenka close on his heels. Cautiously peeking down the abandoned hallway, he signaled for the other two to wait while he stepped out and made his way to the ambassador's room. Spying the door open, he planted his shoulders against the wall and gestured for Ford to back him up.

One going in high and the other low, they burst into the room with weapons drawn, momentarily taken aback at the state of disarray. The room was wrecked, the smell of vomit hanging heavily in the air. Ducking to take a look in the bathroom, the lieutenant called the major to join him.

Splattered blood, shattered glass, and someone's sickness covered the sink and floor.

"This doesn't look good, sir."

"Major," Zelenka called loudly from the hallway, "you need to come, quickly!"

From the sound of the Czech's tone, Sheppard didn't know what to expect, but it couldn't be good. Bolting from the room, he glanced back and forth before spotting Zelenka at the opposite end of the corridor standing in front of the wall, his finger dabbing at a dark smear.

"It is blood," Radek said with a frown, then pointed around the corner. "Goes that way."

Sheppard reached out to touch the mark, checking to see if the stain was dry, and discovered that it was still tacky. "Whoever did this was here within the past half hour. We're not far behind." Once again picking up the pace, they now had a trail to follow, and from the looks of the smears, the injured person was getting progressively worse.

"They are heading to infirmary," Zelenka stated to no one in particular.

"Yeah, I noticed." Tapping his earpiece, he paged the control room. "Dr. Weir, has Stackhouse and the boy reached your position?"

"_Affirmative, major. Where are you?"_ she quickly replied.

"Outside Lokii's quarters. Looks like there was a struggle and someone is in need of medical assistance. There's also a blood trail leading in the direction of the infirmary that we're going to check out."

"_Bates and Teyla's teams haven't found anything below the lab levels and are working their way back up this way. Do you want me to have them head back in your direction?"_

"That might not be a bad idea. I'll call you if I need them."

"_Be careful."_

"We will. Sheppard out." He faced his team, "Ready?"

"Yes," they replied together.

"Okay then." Gesturing to the wall, he began to follow the trail, "Let's go find McKay."

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Rodney leaned wearily against the corridor wall outside the closed infirmary doors. Beyond exhaustion and pain, his entire body was shaking, threatening to shut down at any second. He was running on the remnants of pure adrenalin that Lokii had instilled with his continual prodding and verbal threats using the shard of glass. The drug-crazed individual was no longer coherent, rambling continually about creatures climbing the walls and voices shouting from behind them. Rodney knew that he had to hold it together long enough, until Lokii was at his most vulnerable and wouldn't be able to withstand a fight, before he could make any attempt at stopping him.

"Open it," the ambassador's hoarse voice demanded from behind the scientist.

Praying that the room would be empty and that all staff had gone to bed long before they got there, he closed his eyes before placing his hand on the panel, activating the mechanism to release. The near silent 'whoosh' signaled access and was followed instantly by a sharp jab to the middle of his back. Rodney opened his eyes and glanced about the darkened infirmary.

At first, all the beds appeared empty; that fortune had decided to briefly smile upon him and make it so that no one else would get hurt. No one, that is, except for the dead Scotsman, would be taking up space here, and his body would most likely be in the morgue, if he'd even been found yet. But upon further inspection, Rodney noticed an area towards the back had a curtain drawn about it, providing privacy for its occupant. Hopefully Lokii wouldn't notice, and leave the individual in peace.

A clatter coming from the area of Carson's office caused both men to shift their attention in that direction. Before he had the chance to call out a warning, the scientist felt the ambassador's arm wrap tightly around his throat, the glass shard now pressed dangerously hard against his vulnerable neck. Within moments, a nurse appeared carrying a small tray of instruments, unaware of the two individuals standing beside the closed door. She moved silently across the room, coming to a startled halt at the sound of a muffled groan. Spying the hidden figures, she slowly began to walk backwards towards the safety of the office.

"Don't move or I'll kill him," Lokii menaced, moistening his parched lips with the tip of his tongue. Tightening his grip, he caused Rodney to gasp for breath in the strangle hold. "I want medicine," he demanded, "go get some."

Her mouth dropped open to protest as her eyes shifted to the corner bed and back. "I, I can't do that, sir. Only a physician has the key code to the dispensary."

Rodney wheezed as the corners of his vision began to gray. Pulling on Lokii's arm with both hands, he felt himself falling to the floor. The ambassador shifted his grip, his own trembling hand securing the scientist around the chest and forcing him back to his feet. Pressing a sharp edge of the broken glass against Rodney's neck, he drew a steady stream of blood before pulling it back. "I _will_ kill him if you do not get me what I want."

"Sir, I, I..." she started to say, her eyes dodging about the room in search of help.

"She can't help you, but I can."

The quiet familiar brogue made Rodney fear that he had finally lost it and was beginning to hallucinate. "Now you've done it," he whispered, "you've brought him back from the dead." He felt a hysterical giggle form in the back of his throat at the thought. "Carson Beckett of the Clan McBeckett, back for your head," he was able to wheeze out before his knees buckled again, this time his captor no longer able to hold him upright.

Lokii's eyes narrowed as he stared across the dim infirmary, trying to make out the individual who was speaking. Dropping to one knee, he pulled the scientist up to his chest as a shield, the glass still menacingly close to the semi-conscious man's throat. "Show yourself," he demanded, his grip on McKay slipping because of his own shaking hands.

Carson slowly stepped out from behind the curtain. His right arm in a sling and tightly bound to his chest, he was dressed in a pair of burgundy surgical scrubs, his hair wildly sticking up in all directions, and moving slowly with a limp, he cautiously edged into position between Lokii and his nurse. "Let him go, Ambassador," he said calmly, his eyes never leaving Lokii's.

"No!" Rising to his feet, he waved the bloody glass shard in the physician's direction, "Give me the code."

"I can't do that." The Scot's heart was hammering in his chest, knowing that he needed to get to Rodney, but first somehow get him away from the ambassador.

Lokii reached down and grabbed Rodney's blood matted hair, yanking the scientist's head back. "I believe you can, Doctor Beckett, if you want this man to live."

"Stop it! Leave him alone," Carson pleaded, watching his friend's dazed blue eyes try to fix on his position while reaching weakly for the hand in his hair. "Rodney, stay still, lad."

"You're just a ghost. Can't tell me what to do," the scientist mumbled, his eyes sliding shut in resignation. "I saw you fall," he whispered in despair.

The physician felt a knot form in his throat at Rodney's slurred words. "Let me help him and then I'll help you," he proposed.

"No," Lokii said, his voice cold as ice. "Tell me the key code. When I get what I need, maybe then I will let him live."

Rodney's unsteady hand slapped at the man behind him, "Don't do it, Cars'n. I'm fine, jus' tired." His head lolled to the side, his eyes cracking open to find the Scot once more, "Don't…"

"Rodney," Beckett grimaced, stepping closer to his injured friend.

"…go." His eyes rolled back, his exhausted body succumbing to the inevitable darkness.

Horrified at what he was witnessing, Carson's gaze shifted to meet Lokii's maddened glare. "Fine, I'll do it if you let her go," he countered, tipping his head towards the nurse.

The ambassador looked at the terrified woman standing behind the physician and then back to Beckett. In desperate need of his next dose, he nodded, but made sure to keep McKay as a shield in front of him.

Carson cautiously stepped around the pair on the floor, keeping himself between them and his nurse. "Go, lass," he encouraged quietly while activating the panel, breathing a little easier when she slipped out the door.

Lokii let go of Rodney and unsteadily made his way towards the doctor. Reaching out with a bloodstained hand, he grasped Beckett's injured shoulder, giving the Scot a hard shove away from the exit. "Where is it?" he demanded.

Crying out in pain, Carson clutched his arm and held it tight while trying to control the waves of agony shooting down his injured shoulder. "Follow me." He turned to check on Rodney, noticing that he hadn't moved, before making his way over to his office, the ambassador close on his heels. "It's through here."

The entrance to the dispensary from his office was closed, the security panel activated. With an unsteady hand he reached out to punch in the code, knowing that when he opened the door one of two things was going to happen. Either the ambassador would go straight for the drugs and leave him standing alone, or the addicted man would make him show the different medications. Hoping for the first, he tapped the final number and watched the security lights go off.

Lokii's eyes traced over all the various vials and capsules stored throughout the room. Shelves of unknown substances lined up neatly in labeled rows tantalized his desperate senses. "Which one is it?" he barked, causing the Scot to jump.

"I don't know what you need. It could be any number of things in here."

Rummaging through the rows, Lokii began pulling bottles apart, spilling their precious contents on the floor. Finding one that looked like his medication, he thrust it at Carson. "What is that?"

"Valium," he lied, trying for the poker face of a lifetime when the man presented him with a stimulant.

"What does that do?"

"Makes a person calm, less anxious."

Lokii shoved it back on the shelf before sifting through more bottles. Opening another, he thrust it at over, "And this?"

"Aspirin. Helps with headaches." Watching the bottle of anti-depressants get shoved back on the shelf, Carson wondered how long the man would believe him. When he was thrust a bottle of nitroglycerine tablets, he had a feeling the ambassador was starting to disbelieve him.

"Take one," the angry man demanded.

"What?" Carson blurted.

Shaking hands shoved the medication at the physician, "Take one. I want to see what happens to you if you do."

"That doesn't work the same on everyone," he stammered, backing away slowly towards the open doorway. "I'm already on medication and it would react differently on me than it would on you." One more step and he could escape, he thought to himself.

"No more games," Lokii growled, grabbing another bottle and tossing the lid aside. Pouring the contents sloppily onto the shelf, while still holding the piece of bloody glass, he grabbed a small white tablet and advanced towards the retreating Scot. "Take it or Dr. McKay dies."

TBC

A/N: Pretty much out of cliffies so I guess this is almost done...almost.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Rodney's life for his taking one tablet. To the physician, the choice was not that hard, and he held out his hand to receive the small round white pill. Carson had missed seeing from which bottle the drug addicted man had gotten it, but knew that area of shelving held the majority of heart medications, and so he was almost certain that if he took any substance from there, he would end up in some serious trouble. Desperate, and his injuries throbbing from the abuse, he glanced up at the menacing individual staring back at him, before slowly lifting the tablet towards his mouth and depositing it on his tongue.

Lokii's gaze never left the Scot's face. When the doctor didn't appear to swallow, he stepped forward and shoved Beckett by his wounded shoulder backwards, knocking him into another set of shelves. "Swallow it," he growled.

But the damage had already been done. The sheer force of the blow had caused an automatic reflex in Carson when he gasped raggedly in pain, the pill making its way down on its own. Bent at the waist and leaning for support against the now empty shelf, he closed his eyes and waited to feel the effects that he knew would come.

Within minutes, he recognized the tripping of his heart as it raced irregularly within the confines of his chest. 'Digitonin' his mind suggested, and he knew a single dose could cause toxic levels in some individuals. Apparently he was one of those unfortunate souls. Sliding sideways to the floor, he began to pant heavily, fighting back the overwhelming dizziness that threatened to consume him.

Hearing Lokii move about in front of him, he peeled one eye open to see what the man was about to do and was startled to find the ambassador scowling at him, directly in front of his face.

"Maybe I should give you something else to take," the sick individual gloated, opening another bottle and emptying the contents into his bloodstained palm. Waving a small blue pill in Carson's face, he abruptly shoved it forward only to bark out in hoarse laughter when the Scot turned away. "Now, Dr. Beckett, there must be something in here that can help you," he chided, climbing back up on his feet. Staggering to another shelf, he opened a bottle and found tablets that looked similar to those he had brought to Atlantis. Shooting a suspicious glare down at the weakened man on the floor, he dropped back to one knee, and grabbed Carson's face, turning him to meet his own angry gaze. "What is this?" he demanded.

Carson blinked slowly and tried to focus but the small pill appeared miles away. Knowing that it didn't matter what he said, he told the man what he wanted to hear. "Stimulant," he gasped.

Lokii roared in satisfaction at finally finding what he wanted. Taking several pills, he dry swallowed them quickly before shoving the remainder of the bottle in his pocket. The rush of euphoria that enveloped him caused his own weakness to dissipate, and he returned to the infirmary.He grabbed the crumpled scientist by the shirt and dragged him back inside the dispensary; then dropping him unceremoniously to the floor beside the physician, before slamming the security door shut.

Suddenly, his eyes began to shift quickly around the room, catching shadows in his peripheral vision. Not able to see what was hiding behind him, he grabbed the shard of glass and clenched it in his fist, not noticing the blood that began to run freely down his wrist and arm. He heard laughter emanating from behind him and he spun once more, only to find the two doctors still lying on the floor. Reaching down, he grabbed Beckett and pressed the glass against the Scot's throat. "Stop it!" he screamed at the unconscious man. "Stop laughing at me!"

It was the scientist still crumpled on the floor that the agitated yelling awoke and McKay's eyes cracked warily open to find himself trapped within the confines of his earlier nightmare. Lokii would kill Beckett for sure this time, if he didn't find a way to stop the crazed man. Pushing himself up with remnants of strength long ago depleted, he grabbed one of the shelving units and pulled, causing it to come crashing down on top of all three men.

SG: A

Sheppard, Ford, and Zelenka were rounding the corner to the infirmary floor from the nearby stairwell when they were met by a woman rushing in their direction. Instantly recognizing the nurse, the major reached out and grabbed her, pulling her back towards the safety of stairs. "Take it easy," he said, gently pushing her down to sit on a step.

"The ambassador," she started to say, pointing in the direction from which she'd just come, while trying to get her breathing under control.

"Is there anyone else in there?" Sheppard asked.

"Dr. Beckett was sleeping on the back bed and Dr. McKay was with the ambassador."

He looked up to Ford and Zelenka, meeting their grim looks with one of his own. "You said 'was'. Where were they when you left?"

"Dr. McKay had collapsed and was lying on the floor in front of _him_," her emphasis clear on whom she was referring. "Dr. Beckett made a deal that if I was let free, he would open the dispensary."

"Oh, dear lord," Zelenka said quietly.

"How was Beckett when you left?"

She shook her head. "He was hurting from the accident and had been given Percocet to ease the pain."

"How bad was he hurt, ma'am?" Ford questioned, not having heard the report earlier.

"He has torn shoulder muscles, bruised his lower back, and sprained his left knee." Glancing at each of the three men, she continued, "He should have been in bed but he was worried about Dr. McKay."

"What's wrong with Rodney?"

She looked to meet the major's worried question. "I'm not certain, but he was pretty bloody and incoherent. He thought Dr. Beckett was a ghost."

Radek dropped to sit on a step near the woman, his head falling into his hands before looking back up to Sheppard, "What do we do?"

Tapping his ear piece while double checking the clip of his hand gun, he paged the control room. "This is Sheppard. We have a hostage situation in the infirmary. Ambassador Lokii has taken Dr. Beckett and Dr. McKay. I need a full security detail and med team to meet me at the southwest corridor of the medical wing."

"_Affirmative, Major,"_ Teyla's voice responded. _"We shall join you in approximately three minutes."_

Sheppard took another quick glance down the empty hallway, checking to see if any activity could be seen from their position. Certain that it was all clear, he gestured for Ford to follow him before ducking back towards the infirmary, and he wasn't surprised to see Zelenka right there also.

Silently the trio came to a stop outside the closed doors, meeting up with Teyla's team, and listened for any voices from within. All they heard was dead silence. Taking up positions on either side of the door, the major counted out three on his fingers, before palming the door controls, and rushing the room. For Sheppard's team, it was deja vous all over again. The infirmary was a mess with strewn bedding and splotches of smeared blood located on the floor, but not a soul to be found.

Doing a quick search, they discovered the sealed dispensary door with a bloody handprint on the outside wall near the control panel. Pills of various shapes and sizes littered the floor. Leaning with his ear pressed against the door, Sheppard tried to listen and hear if there was anyone still inside. A tap to his shoulder brought his attention back to the Czech who was holding out a life sign indicator. Three blips showed in the area closed off before them.

Sheppard gestured for the groups to return to the main infirmary room.

"Okay," he said quietly, "they're all in there. The door is locked with a security key code, and I'm willing to bet that if we go busting in there, Lokii will become even more dangerous. We have no idea what his state might be and if he has taken any more drugs."

"Doc," he said, turning to Zelenka, "there's a back way in here through the dispensary. I know Beckett used it the other day. Any idea where it is?"

"I need a computer," Radek replied.

"Ford, go secure the one out of Beckett's office."

Moments later, the Czech scientist pulled up the schematics of the room and displayed them on the small screen. "Here," he said, pointing to a small enclosure. "It is through shower room."

"I'll have to remember that as a future escape route," the major quipped, trying to loosen the tension in the room. "There's got to be another key code panel. Think you can override it?"

"Do you really need to ask?" Grabbing the laptop, Radek followed Sheppard back through the shower room with Ford and Teyla right behind him. Attaching a small hook up to the door's key pad once he removed the cover, he began typing in a series of algorithms to find the correct key combination. It took a minute tops for the numerical display to light up on the portable computer. "Ready, major."

Sheppard stepped up to the door, his gun in hand, ready for the code to be punched, when a terrible crash and outcry erupted from inside the sealed room. "Now!" he ordered, deciding that they couldn't wait any longer.

Typing in the sequence, the panel lights turned off and the door slid smoothly open.

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Rodney had been too tired to realize that the domino effect would happen if he pulled one shelf down. Now pinned against the floor with what felt like half the dispensary lying across his back, he groaned in exertion, trying to raise himself up on one arm. He could just see the back of Carson's head and tried his damnedest to reach the Scot to see if he was still alive. "Don't you even think of joining those Highlander ancestors of yours, you Hippocratic fraud," he snarked tiredly, hoping to get some sort of reaction.

"Shut up," the Scot whispered painfully, "or I'll take off your head."

"Carson? Oh thank god," the scientist gasped, tugging his other arm free. Slowly he stretched it across the scattered medical paraphernalia and finally succeeded in touching the side of Beckett's neck. Feeling for a pulse and finding it racing beneath his fingertips, he let out a shallow breath of relief. "I thought you were a goner for sure. I can't see Lokii. Is he…?" he started to ask but stopped when he heard a familiar shout.

"McKay? Beckett?"

"Major," Rodney painfully called out, his hoarse voice sounded bad even to himself. "Back here."

Carson's head moved slightly as he tried to locate the Canadian "Rodney?" he mumbled, now barely conscious and needing to tell someone before the darkness over took him for good.

"Stay with me, Bones. The cavalry's coming."

Unable to comply, Carson whispered 'Digitonin' before passing out.

"Rodney?" Sheppard called from some place very close by and the scientist lifted his head to look around. "Over here," he began to reply but stopped when he noticed movement from under the shelf.

Boxes and bottles shifted, spilling even further across the floor to reveal a very bloody Lokii. There was a large jagged cut running across his cheek and left eye, leaving the ambassador looking like something from a classic horror movie. His remaining intact right eye shifted continually, as if searching for some unseen object. Shoving a fallen piece of equipment off his legs, he actually made it to his feet and leaned against the wall before spotting the two figures pinned beneath the shelf.

"Why can't you just die," Rodney moaned. Dropping his head wearily back to the floor, he noticed a sealed package close to his hand and palmed it carefully back towards his chest.

The sound of equipment being moved from the other side of the room caught his attention and he looked back up to catch a glimpse of familiar fatigues, before feeling someone pin him by the base of his neck to the floor. "Stay back," growled from behind him and he knew that it was Lokii talking to the major.

"Ambassador," Sheppard replied firmly while stepping carefully through the debris, spotting the man strategically kneeling between the two missing teammates, "let them go. You can't win this time."

"I have _everything_ I need Major Sheppard," the deranged man replied, pressing his hand harder against the wounds on McKay's neck while shoving him painfully against the floor.

"Let him go." The cold deadly voice of the major was one that Rodney had seldom heard, except when it came to a certain Genii, and for a moment, a sense of relief flooded over him that soon this would all be over. Closing his eyes, he tried to hold his own darkness at bay while fumbling with one hand, trying to tear open the small hidden package. Feeling the plastic give way, he allowed himself a slight smile.

The major signaled Ford and Teyla to make their way slowly around the perimeter of the room while he distracted Lokii. He didn't want to take the chance of the ambassador snapping McKay's neck. When Rodney's eyes opened slowly and his dazed look finally met the major's intense gaze, Sheppard was surprised to see the badly wounded man wink at him. What the hell was McKay up to?

Lokii watched the figures moving around the room while trying to keep his grip on the scientist. He could feel the shaking in his hands getting worse and he used his free hand to reach in the pocket that held the open bottle of pills. Scooping up several tablets, he clutched them tightly and withdrew his hand. His gaze never leaving Sheppard's, he brought the pills to his mouth. So close to relief, that he forgot momentarily about the man pinned to the floor in front of him, he was surprised when the figure moved and then he felt a sharp stabbing pain plunge deep into his thigh. "Ahh!" he cried out, dropping the tablets as he gasped in agony, while grasping at the protruding object buried deep into his leg.

Rodney shoving the scalpel was exactly the distraction the major needed. "Lokii!" he shouted. The second the ambassador looked up, Sheppard placed two rounds directly into the man's heart, killing him instantly.

SG: A

Hands were touching him, calling his name from far away. "McKay, come on, stay with me here," it encouraged. Swimming through the fog, Rodney felt the items on his back and legs shift, the pressing discomfort removed and he cried out when circulation was restored to his lower limbs. "Digitonin," he gasped, biting his lip to stop another outburst when someone touched the back of his head.

More voices began giving orders and hands continued to touch the scientist. Uncertain if they'd heard him the first time, he groaned and reached blindly out, trying to connect with someone who'd listen. A firm grip encased his hand.

"Hang on Rodney." Sheppard said, trying not to cause the man any more pain. When he felt a slight tug, he leaned down closer. "Hey Answer Man," he quipped quietly, seeing McKay looking at him with one eye," It's gonna be okay. Just relax."

Rodney groaned, his battered body was so close to shutting down and he really needed Sheppard to listen to him. "Carson," he whispered.

"Teyla and Ford are with him. He's alive and the med team should be here any second."

The scientist tried to move and felt the major hold him still. "Digitonin," he repeated, hoping the major was listening. "Carson said Digitonin." The swirling darkness grew heavier and he panted with increased effort, trying to hold it at bay.

Sheppard looked over to the unconscious Scot and then back to Rodney. Patting his friend on the shoulder, he nodded, "I'll tell the doctor. You just rest, okay?"

After that, things got blurry. More strange hands, voices calling from off to the side for 'Atropine', an uncomfortable collar slipped around his neck, being strapped down onto a stiff object, moving, more voices, several sharp pinches to his arms, it all swirled faster and darker until he could no longer hang on and he just let go.

SG: A

One week later:

The North Pier was bathed in late afternoon sunshine, warming the three figures seated on the edge looking out over the water. A slight breeze ruffled their hair as each remained silent, waiting for one of the others to speak first.

It was Sheppard who eventually broke the ice. "So, when do your trips to Heightmeyer begin?"

Rodney blew out a slow breath and then reached up to scratch at the bandages on the back of his head. A slight slap from Carson to the wrist stopped him before he got very far. Giving the Scot one of his patented glares and getting a mocking raised brow in return, he rolled his eyes and heard Sheppard chuckle at the exchange. "She already came to see me this morning."

"I didn't know the lass made house calls," the Scot teased.

"Oh, you're one to talk there, Limpy. I saw the way that little physical therapist was giving you the 'special treatment'," Rodney challenged back.

That only made Carson smile larger, "Aye, lad, that she was." Stretching his leg out in front of his wheelchair, he waved it back and forth. "Almost as good as new."

"Do you two clowns have any idea of when you might be returned to active duty?"

Carson looked over Rodney's head to stare at Sheppard, "Itching to go through the gate?"

"Well, doc, things _have_ slowed down around here the last few days. I feel like I'm getting a little rusty."

"Oh, sorry if I'm crimping your style, Major. I didn't plan on getting chased around by some child abusing drug addict," Rodney snapped, all earlier humor forgotten.

"Easy there McKay. I was kidding. You really think lying around in the sun, waiting for you two is a bad thing? Although, I do have to admit, being on this side of the hospital stay ain't too bad."

"Why? Do you have a problem staying in my establishment, Major?"

Sheppard stood up and backed away from the pair of doctors scowling at him. "Whoa, down boys. You two sure are crabby. I thought you'd be happy to be out here."

Rodney reached up to scratch again, but stopped when hearing Becket's familiar 'harrumph'. "It itches," he snapped to the Scot.

"That means it's healing and you need to keep your grubby hands off."

The banter continued to roll with each barb more colorful than the last. It wasn't until they heard the sound of a fourth person behind them that they grew silent.

"Gentlemen," Elizabeth said with a smile, happy to see things returning to normal. "I hope we aren't interrupting."

The trio turned to find her standing behind them with a special guest. "Bengi asked to come and see you before he goes back home."

"Hey buddy," Sheppard grinned, picking up the boy and swinging him around in a circle.

The boys little arms slipped smoothly around the major's shoulders, giving him a hug. "Can I sit out here with you until I have to leave?"

"I think we can find some room. Can't we, fellas?"

Rodney shifted back away from the water and patted the spot between him and Carson. "Put the boy down before you both fall in."

"I'm not going to fall in," Sheppard snapped.

"You're the one complaining of being rusty. I just didn't want to see Bengi fall off the pier because you're getting old."

Setting the little one down beside Carson, the major went after McKay. "Old? I'll show you old."

And the chase was on.

Beckett leaned over and grinned, "See? Little boys, just like I told you."

**The End**

A/N: Thank you for taking the time to read this. I was glad to take you along for the ride. It was fun. Until next we meet again, stay safe! Jen

Due to several comments that do make sense, there will possibly be a follow up story some time this winter. I intentionally left areas open for further exploration at a later date.

Thanks again to Gaffer and Emergencyfan for your beta help. You're the best!


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